ONE LEG IN, ONE LEG OUT!!

       Hi friends hope you are all doing well and having a great time. I am very sure you are wondering what prize is talking about again. Well one leg in, and one leg out is very self-explanatory. It simply means half commitment in whatever you are doing. 

       A lot of people are the one leg in and one leg out type. Not just in a relationship scenario, but in many other things. Examples include our relationship with God. Dedication to a particular project, work, business,  and even school. I think this varies for different individuals. So many people prefer the easy way out i.e. the short cut. They prefer to have one leg in and one leg out. Half commitment to God, to their relationships etc. because they are not sure of what the future holds. It is almost impossible for people to build friendships that will stand the test of time today because; people are ONE LEG IN, AND ONE LEG OUT! No one is willing to take a chance. And frankly a lot of people have many wonderful reasons why they choose to stick just one leg in and leave the other outside. 

      So many young people are confused today about a lot of things. Should I say yes? What if I am making the wrong choice and this turns out to be a mistake. Should I even be studying medicine? Is he right for me? Is she right for me? And being confused is not really what God wants for anyone. Most people cannot take a proper step or make a proper decision because they fear the unknown. It is just safe to have one leg in. Unfortunately for our generation, we have a lot of media and so many things to keep people confused and busy doing nothing. So many people have resorted to remain this way because they have not searched deep enough to realize that there is a way out. The only thing is, nothing good comes easy. You have to work. 

        I used to be confused about a lot of things till I realized how to pray and develop a personal relationship with God. I was always one leg in, and one leg out in so many things. It was safer that way. But the moment I realized that if God is the foundation of anything, it would never crumble. If my eyes are set on him just like peter, I would never sink. If my eyes drift away, I refocus my eyes and set them on him again and again. A lot of people know about God, who he is and what he can do, but they have no personal relationship with him. For example, the chemistry book "Ababio", a lot of people know about this book, they use the formulas in it and they get good grades. They know the author of the book, but most of them do not know him personally, or have a close relationship with him. They do not know his likes or dislikes. This is the same thing that happens with so many youths and adults out there today. You know God, but have no close personal relationship with him. So they do not even recognize his voice and cannot listen for direction. So the safest bet is one leg in, and one leg out. You use his principles and formula's, but you cannot talk to him as a friend, a lover, a brother, a sister, etc. Some people talk to everyone about their situation, confusions, dreams, aspirations, plans and everything. But never talk to God about any of it. They get into businesses, relationships and all sorts of things without letting God know about it or giving him room to build with them. But the minute it goes wrong, they begin to pray and use his principles. Whereas you would have made the right decision if you had just taken a few minutes to talk to God and listen for a reply or watch. But how can you listen to God when you are one leg in and one out with him as well? You are not patient enough to hear what he is saying. Jeremiah 29:11 says my thoughts in order words "my plans" for you are of peace and not evil. So the best person to trust to be all in with is God, who will in turn direct you to who and where you have a good future. And tell you how to lay a solid foundation. Psalm 127;1.Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it. Except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain. Proverbs 3;5 says trust in the lord with "ALL" your heart, "LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING" , in all your ways "SUBMIT TO HIM", and He will make your path "STRAIGHT".

        I am not telling you to jump in with your two legs just like that. I am saying always seek direction before you do.  Make a decision today not to remain at the spot of one leg in one leg out. A relationship with God guarantees direction, understanding, bright future and a straight path. Are you ready to work with God? Are you ready to walk with God? Are you ready to trust him enough and obey?

 Have a lovely week ahead! :)

                  WHAT DO I DO WITH THESE FEELINGS?

       This past week, God has been teaching me about a fruit of the spirit called self-control. And I stumbled on Joyce Meyer’s messages.. She has so many messages on self-control. So check them out. Growing up, I was really stubborn; you can verify that from my big brother. I did not mind fighting with him even if I ended up crying lol. But my sister Sharon, never ever got into a fight with my brother or anyone in school for that matter. I just always assumed she was too gentle to fight for herself. And there were even times I would be so mad she did not react or fight back, I would be tempted to fight for her. But she always remained calm. Or she would just cry it out. It took me a while to understand what self-control is. And frankly I am still learning and exercising this fruit of the spirit every day. It is not easy I must say, but when God is holding your hands, walking on water becomes normal. 

         Let’s go into why we act or react the way we do. This has a lot to do with how we feel or what we are feeling at that particular point in time. It's the feeling of uncontrolled anger that always drove me to fight with my big brother. And he in turn would feel provoked and sometimes give me some spanking or just ignore me. Now we have so many feelings inside of us. And I really don't believe any feeling we have was given to us by the devil. No! The bible says we are made in the image of God. So I believe God has feelings as well. If you doubt it, just read john 11;1-35. When Jesus saw Marry and Martha weeping after the death of their brother, he also wept. Now when someone dies people feel sad, really sad, and that feeling is what moves them to tears. So Jesus who is one with God came to us in the form of a man and felt most of what we feel today and refer to as feelings. And for God to send his only son to die, it means he felt compassion for us.

         Now that we know feelings are not bad, it’s what we do with them afterwards that matters. Now the devil tries to capitalize on these feelings and make you forget that you can access something called self-control which is a fruit of the Holy spirit. Now if the Holy Spirit is dormant in your life, His fruits would also be dormant in your life. But if he is active, you begin to manifest and exercise the fruits not just within but outwardly as well. It would be so easy for me to tell you to control your feelings but here is the problem. Matthew 26;40-43 lets us know how the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. Jesus was about to go through the most difficult time of his life, and he needed his disciples more than ever to pray with him at that time, but they were sleeping. Now the bible also says we must die to the flesh for the spirit in us to grow. Romans 8;13. Now here is what happens with our feelings. Feelings are so tricky, it works a lot with the flesh. I feel like having ice cream I have to get it. I feel like she needs to be taught a lesson, so I teach her a lesson. I feel like if I don't satisfy this desire I would die. Well the truth is if you don't the flesh would just have to accept it. 

        Most of us are not willing to go through the rigorous work of dealing with these feelings with the help of the Holy Spirit. We always want the short cuts, the easy way out. And that is what the devil capitalizes on. Now some people ask for the fruit of the spirit, and expect it to just land on them and begin to manifest itself. Well it does not really work that way. Once you have accepted Jesus, his spirit is already within you. But you need to exercise it. An example is when I was asking God to teach me how to love like him and many people began to really do annoying and unfair things to me. Eventually I stopped asking for love. I switched to self-control and the next day, someone really tried my patience and i went off at him. On my way home something kept saying but you said you wanted self-control. And I realized oh so that was an avenue for me to practice it. Okay next time I will. And the next day, honestly I went off at another girl because in my mind I have told myself or taught myself to believe that the best way for me to deal with it is to pour it out immediately and not keep anything inside. But the gentle Holy Spirit has a different approach. So change does not just happen in one day, it’s a process most people are not willing and patient enough to go through. Every feeling can be controlled with the help of the Holy Spirit. But it’s a process. If you start working out today, you will not automatically be in shape tomorrow or even next week. It takes time. A friend of mine gave me a work out package he would like to take home to market. So he asked me to do some of the work out exercises in the video. The first day I was really pumped up and ready to go. By the time I was done, I was feeling like my head was spinning, I wanted to throw up and was just so exhausted. Till tomorrow, I have not gone back to it lol.. Well that is how it feels when the Holy Spirit if trying to adjust our way of thinking or help us control our feelings. We give up too soon! I was willing to go through with the exercise but my body, was reluctant. Many of us want the fruit of the spirit, but our bodies, our feelings just seem to overpower us all the time. The secrete I found is, if your body says no today, try again tomorrow till your body and feelings learn to listen to you. The spirit of God in you is greater than your flesh. If you feed the flesh it grows and becomes stronger. when it says your flesh needs to die, I can't imagine killing myself, I believe it means I refuse to give my flesh what it wants all the time, but then I pay more attention to what my spirit needs and what the spirit inside of me is saying. Now I cannot compare myself to Sharon who has been exercising and practicing the fruit of self-control since we were kids. But I can keep my focus on God like peter walking on water to ensure that I do not sink.

      So the next time you have a feeling you think you cannot control, turn to the Holy spirit, ask for directions and don't be quick to react. Take 2 minutes to listen to the voice inside. What you do with your feelings can either destroy you or make you! Have a great week friends!

                                   

                                        EXCUSES EXCUSES EXCUSES!!!

        It is common knowledge that people try to use excuses to get out of trouble or a difficult situation. This is something that goes back in time to when Adam and Eve fell. No one wanted to take responsibility and just own up. The "BLAME GAME" like I’d like to call it began. So if you are into making excuses, well I am very sure you know you are not the first and probably will not be the last. People love excuses. E.g. I cheated on my wife or left her because she was this and that. It’s so easy to play the blame game and make up excuses for irresponsibility. I did not do so well because the teacher was bad. These are all excuses.

        Normally, I would rather not give personal experiences here so I don't make people feel like she is telling us about herself and all of that. But in this case I would love to give an illustration or example. I have always been the type to get myself out of any mess. I give myself an A+ for that. It does not matter who I implicate or blame for my misbehavior as long as I get myself out of the mess. That was who I was then. Something interesting happened last week. I did something that upset my fiance and instead of just saying am sorry, I wanted to play my normal trick "EXCUSES" OR THE "BABY SELF PITY PARTY", and he said don't even try it. I know you well enough now and I know that trick. So here I was feeling like no hiding place for you prize. I guess this issue has to be confronted and not avoided. And like two mature human beings, we were able to get to a reasonable conclusion and it felt so good. And I kept wondering why I even tried to make excuses in the first place. Funny thing is I love people being real with me and not making excuses. But I also make excuses once in a while.

         I did not tell you that story to bore you or just tell you about my life. I just want to shed some light on what making excuses can result in. Making excuses makes you look irresponsible, in the sense that you know very well if you will be honest with yourself, that you have done something wrong, and instead of just taking responsibility, owning up and apologize, you come up with a flimsy excuse. Another thing is your excuses can only buy you little time. Because you got away with it the first time, does not mean you will get away with it again. While if you own up, it helps you deal with the issue on ground properly so you do not repeat it again. And another thing is if you keep making excuses, you will lose out on a lot of beautiful things. How you may ask? Well I love to equate making excuses with being irresponsible. And being irresponsible can only end badly. And God really despises excuses. Adam and Eve, king Soul, and Moses are just a few people who God had to deal with because after they disobeyed, they were not bold enough to just say I'm sorry. They made up excuses. And like I said making excuses is very irresponsible and heart breaking. Because after doing something wrong or hurting someone, the list you can do is try to be responsible and just own up and fix things. Don't make excuses. Imagine how you would feel if God said, i did not answer your prayer because I was too busy in heaven attending to more important issues, or a friend says I forgot It was so important to you more than once. Or I cheated on you because you were acting distant and nagging.  Excuses never solve anything. It may solve things temporarily, but eventually you will be faced with the issue again.

          When you choose to be responsible, you choose to stop making excuses. Because making excuses, can no longer be an option. But irresponsibility always knows that it has excuses to save the day. Stop looking for someone to blame for your bad behavior's and mistakes. Be responsible not just to God, but to those around you who love you. Excuses HURT. BE RESPONSIBLE. There would always be a million excuses, but it takes courage to say I am sorry and work towards getting it right the next time. MAKE UP YOUR MIND TODAY! EXCUSES SHOULD NOT BE AN OPTION HENCE FORTH!!

                 A WOMAN'S DREAM MAN!

For those of you who have been following the posts on this blog, I am sure you have come to terms with who a gallant man is. A post written by Mweushi Allam Mphande that left a lot of us women happy.  Now that we know who a gallant man is, I know I am not wrong or telling lies when I say, for so many women a gallant man only exists in their dreams or on paper. Lol funny but very true. If you haven't read gallant man, kindly do so before you read this. 

  Recently, I was talking to a friend, and I asked her why she is not paying attention to any admirer, and she said the most fascinating thing. She said prize I pay attention to little details. For example, can you imagine that I walked with a certain guy (I won’t mention his name) from the gate to my destination, and he could not even offer to help me carry what I was holding. She also went on to explain why she does not like to wear short clothing, or tight things, because some guys look at her lustfully. Some even lust while she is properly dressed. And then she rounded off by saying, I don’t want a stingy, uncaring and insensitive man. I know a lot of ladies who feel the same way. Now this issue of being a gallant man may not appeal to you as a man, because somewhere along the line, a mother forgot to teach her son how to treat ladies, forgot to teach her son how to treat his sisters, and so on.  Or maybe you just do not realize how important it is to the female gender to be treated as a lady/woman.

Now guys pay attention because I am about to break it down for you. Here is what I think a lot of women tag as their dream man.

1)     Most women like to start off with, “I want a God fearing man”.  If I try to explain who a God fearing man is, I might start a sermon, so I would just go ahead and assume it is self-explanatory. If it is not, I would be more than happy to explain it to you.

2)     Most women want a man who is not selfish or stingy. Now men I know some of you have encountered some selfish and materialistic women out there, who only care about what you have in your bank accounts. But I am talking about a God fearing authentic woman here who does not place so much value on money. She is okay if you have little, she knows if she keeps praying God will bless the works of your hands. So don’t be stingy or selfish. Now here is the reason why.  A woman knowingly or unknowingly will treat you  the way you treat her, because she is like an incubator. Whatever she takes in, she incubates it, multiplies it, and gives it back to you. So I am sure you understand me. J

3)      Most women want a faithful man. I really do not need to sound a trumpet to explain this point. A man who can respect her enough to end things with her, before going to cheat. Or a man who knows what he has, and makes a conscious deliberate effort to work with it no matter what. A man who knows that the grass is never greener on the other side, but where you water it.

Now I listed 3 points because you will find these 3 in every woman’s dream man list. The remaining points may vary for different women.  I also love a man with a goal and a plan.  So here is the deal guys, we can talk about how you need to be a gallant man from today till next year. But on your own, and with your own strength, you will keep failing. You need God to help you maintain your gallantry status. So get closer to the one who created you, because he has the manual and knows how you should function.  And also cultivate the habit, and in no time, it would become part of you. Just start somewhere. To all the gallant men out there, we sincerely love you! <3 signed women. Who knows after reading this, you might just become someone’s dream man!

                        TALK LESS  ACT MORE!!

       One thing I have realized is, how easy it is to talk. Some people even say" talk is cheap". Yes talk is cheap, in the sense that everyone can afford it. You can say things how you want, and when you want. The truth is most people spend so much time talking, when they should be spending that time acting out what they have said. It’s common knowledge that at the beginning of the year, a lot of people make resolutions and say or even write out a number of things they would love to achieve during the year, but as time goes on, the zeal or motivation reduces, and once again they are left with talk but no action.

        Not too long ago, I was having a conversation with a certain friend of mine, and i decided to "TALK" and share some of my plans. And then he said, you have so many beautiful ideas prize, and I've been hearing about them for quite some time now, but that is where it ends. And then the next time i see you, you talk about something new. After thinking about it, i realized it was true and i made a conscious effort to change it. 

         Now I’ll give you hints on how I've been able to turn my "TALK" into "ACTION". 

1) The first and most important point is, TALK LESS ABOUT THE PLAN, AND ACT MORE!

2) Execute one plan at a time, DO NOT START AND STOP HALF WAY, DO NOT STOP TILL IT IS EXECUTED.

3) Learn to keep yourself motivated. REMIND YOURSELF THAT YOU CAN DO IT AND YOU WILL DO IT.

4) Shun every distraction and have a concrete plan. AVOID PEOPLE WHO TELL YOU IT IS NOT POSSIBLE.

5) Involve God and trust in him to direct you and make a way for you. GOD FIRST! 

         Now with that said, I’d like to also point out or highlight some factors that keep a lot of people talking and not acting. 

1) FEAR OF WHAT PEOPLE WOULD SAY, AND HOW THEY WOULD REACT. Countless times, this holds people back. If you are sure and have prayed about the next step you want to take, go ahead and take that step. Besides, human beings are so fickle-minded. Today they feel one way about something, and tomorrow it changes. I am not saying ignore words of wisdom and advice from people, all I am saying is, do not let idle talk or negativity keep you down!

2) FEAR OF FAILURE. This has and is still hindering a lot of people from setting out to act and work on their dream. They believe it’s okay to remain where they are because it’s safe, and taking a chance is just too much to handle. And what if it doesn't work they say to themselves. Well I ask and what if it does work? So take a chance. If it fails try again. Don't give up on yourself.

3) EXCUSES, LAZINESS, AND PROCRASTINATION. Stop making excuses. If you need to get something done, get it done, don't spend time talking and making excuses. Don't be lazy about it and don't procrastinate. Do it now and get it over with! 

DON'T DO IT TOMORROW IF YOU CAN DO IT TODAY! TALK LESS AND ACT MORE! HAVE A LOVELY WEEK FRIENDS!

                              OGA AT THE TOP!!!

"Oga at the top",is a catch phrase and/or title that has quickly become popular here among my Nigerian friends and through association, I continue to find myself on the receiving end of this title. This morning my curiosity led me to inquire on the exact meaning and origin of this phrase. Oga (stress on the "a") I was told, is an Igbo word that is used mostly informally to address an owner, leader or 'person in charge’. Having learnt part of the theory I decided to apply the phrase myself ,but quickly discovered that ladies aren't so welcoming to the idea of being addressed in that way.:).:):)

"Oga at the top», though not yet a cliche is used by different people, in different situations to mean different things yet in all its dynamics, remains unanimous to the masculine gender. Interesting isn't it?

When I first started dating my fiance  I would unknowingly irritate her with endless inquiries on her personality, character, upbringing and life in general. Not too long afterwards, the tables turned and I started to answer questions mostly about what I am doing, where I am going and what my plan is until she caught me completely off guard one day when she suddenly switched to "where are we going?" and "what is OUR plan??" It freaked me out then, because like many men out there I was yet to understand that asking such questions comes NATURALLY as part of our God-given instincts. Men with their "leader and provider" instincts, ask the questions they do because they need to know whether or not the lady has the qualities and abilities to help them get where they are going while women naturally need to know the plan in order to see how they can be of help. The lack or absence of a plan or answer is what frustrates a lot of women today and it is this frustration that has given birth to various feminist ideas and theories that have to a large extent transformed and redefined Gods original plan for a man-woman union.

As usual I prefer to look at the source of the problem and not the result. We know where we have fallen but where did we slip? The issue is we have so many "ogas" but very few have taken their place at the top of things. A lot of us have simply been given the title but have not TAKEN it. In other words, we don't want to lead yet expect to be followed! In many relationships, especially here in this country, I've noticed how the women are usually the smarter, more spiritually oriented and goal-driven half, while in some marriages you find the woman is the spiritual leader, financial provider and general problem-solver of the home. In these situations, although the woman is clearly leading, a man's dignity and natural instincts simply cannot allow him to submit and be a follower. As a result, we end up with two «leaders" with two different plans, two different visions and a whole lot of confusion and chaos.

As a man you need to constantly ask yourself "Am I the spiritual leader?" "Do I have a solid plan and direction?" "Am I setting the bar high enough?" "Do I have the wisdom to solve and get through the various obstacles that may arise?" "Am I just giving instructions or leading by example?" "Am I really The OGA AT THE TOP??"

If not then what are you doing about it?

BY MWEUSHI ALLAM MPHANDE.