ROSE OF SHARON: CHRONICLES OF A NEWWIFE ...

ROSE OF SHARON:
                         CHRONICLES OF A NEWWIFE ...:                           CHRONICLES OF A NEW WIFE EPS 1  I remember studying really hard for the bar final exams. George (my husba...

                         CHRONICLES OF A NEW WIFE EPS 1 

I remember studying really hard for the bar final exams. George (my husband) told me he would want us to get married in December 2017 when I would have been done with law school. He wanted me to finish school before we dive into our marital journey. And I made up my mind that I was not going to fail any exam. I did not want the stress of exams and marital responsibilities colliding. So my social life was almost nonexistent, social media life was almost gone too, I only had time to post during holidays or whenever I just needed a break from my books. I could not stay on the phone for too long. I did all this because I told myself I would not come back for any re-sit exams. I also needed time to pray, so I apologized to people before time because I had a target and I was not going to allow anything or anyone distract me.

I remember praying so much and also studying so much. And one day I asked myself, if I have to put in this much work to pass an exam, how much work would I need to put in to prepare for this marriage? I had read many books, I became friends with married women who have been in this marriage business for so long and I began to ask them questions. So many people go into marriage without a strategy to win, they do not see the need to prepare for marriage the way they prepare for exams and other projects. They assume love is all they need. They believe that since they are both Christians or of the same religious background everything will work out. They forget that the Devils own strategy and sole purpose in life is to kill, to steal and to destroy. 

At the early stages of my life, I used to get excited thinking about my wedding day and marriage. But when I began to think deeply about how my life was about to change, excitement turned into thoughts on how to make sure I succeed. I had a plan in place to ensure I did not fail my academic exams, and I quickly realized I also needed a plan to ensure that I do not fail at this institution called marriage. I was waking up every night before my wedding to pray and my mom and best friend joined me on most nights. I told God I did not want any accident for those who would travel for the wedding, I told God I wanted his power, his presence and his glory to be present on the wedding day, I prayed even more for the marriage and asked for grace to be better than the woman in proverbs 31, I asked for his beauty to surround me, I asked for wisdom to know when to speak and when to be quiet, and many more things I prayed about.

The odds seemed to even be against us because I am a Pentecostal pastor's daughter and my then fiancé turned husband is a serious Catholic (more like serious Christian. I usually forget he is Catholic till someone brings it up or we have to go to church). I remember people asking me what I was thinking and at some point I asked myself if I could handle this challenge. One pastor even gave us his unsolicited opinion that we are making a mistake and we just laughed. Apparently, someone he knew married from outside their denomination and the marriage was a disaster. But I knew he was talking out of ignorance because marriages have different challenges, and people from the same denomination end up divorced or with bad marriages, so that is not the real problem. Your marriage is not guaranteed success based on the fact that you both attend a Pentecostal church, or Catholic Church. The success of a marriage is derived from submitting to Gods will, putting in the work required, understanding what you are about to step into, understanding what God expects of you as a wife, mother and helpmeet.  Your husband also needs to understand what his role is as a husband, father and the leader of the home. So coming from the same church is not a yardstick for a wonderful marriage. But most of us are comfortable with what we are used to which is fine. But I personally was not going to throw away the best man I have met in my entire life and the one who God tailor made for me, just because he attends a different church. I knew my journey would be different but not unsuccessful! I chose to listen to those who were counseling, encouraging, and teaching us how to win, rather than those telling us we would fail. I focused on the beauty of what God is going to use us to do in the body of Christ showing people that you should marry a person who loves God and  not necessarily the church they attend. The church is not really the building but the people. And true Christians bear similar fruit so you may have someone in the same church as you bearing different fruits. I knew God had given us a different assignment and I was not going to run away from it just because it would be challenging or uncomfortable.

So I had to have a talk with myself. What must I do to make sure I have a successful marriage? It is wonderful to have all these degrees and excel at academic pursuits, but I also know I do not want an average marriage, I want an excellent marriage. I do not want a marriage where I have to just keep enduring, but a marriage that I enjoy. This was one of my prayer points also, God bless me with a marriage I enjoy not one I have to endure. So right after my bar final exams, I made a decision to go on a 90 days fast and I told George about it and he decided to join me, we ended up fasting for 2 months instead of 3 months but I was happy with that. We took our marriage counseling classes seriously, and we had some of the best pastors take us through the process.

We make sure we communicate as we have always done, no keeping negative emotions in and acting out at each other, and we make sure we remember our roles and do what we have to do to the glory of God. So Just like I had a strategy to help me succeed at the Bar final exams, I also told myself there is no room for failure in this marriage, so I constantly look to the word of God, I pray over my home, I cook, I clean, I go to work, I encourage my man, I try not to stay upset for too long, I believe people who stay upset for too long are like those people who leave their garbage indoors for so long and the whole place starts to stink, so forgiveness to me is like taking out the garbage and breathing in fresh air. I do whatever I have to do to make sure I win at this because God is counting on me, counting on us to make him proud and show others the way.

So far so good, I am grateful for the man God has blessed me with, and I am looking forward to making God proud and showing others that you can succeed at this whole marriage thing if you make up your mind about it and enlist God for his help and grace. What is your strategy to help you win in life? What strategy do you have in place to help you have a heaven on earth marriage? Are you willing to put in the work? Or are you just hoping things would be fine without putting in the work and sacrifice needed?

Please look forward to more write-ups from this new bee wife. Have an awesome day peeps. Loads of love from MRS OJ.

ROSE OF SHARON: HEART BREAKS NOT THE WORSE THING ...

ROSE OF SHARON:
                HEART BREAKS NOT THE WORSE THING ...:                   HEART BREAKS NOT THE WORSE THING IN THE WORLD I know you are wondering what I am thinking saying heart breaks are...

        

        HEART BREAKS NOT THE WORSE THING IN THE WORLD

I know you are wondering what I am thinking saying heart breaks are not that bad especially if you are going through one right now. The truth is while you are going through a heart break it can feel like the end of the world. But in my experience, heart breaks are good.

I remember my first heart break and how terrible I felt, but the truth is if you deal with the pain properly, you will grow past it. You must realize that if you do not deal with the pain, you are likely to end up hurting someone else. Relationships end for different reasons some of which include: cheating, lying, not knowing why you are getting into the relationship or what you want out of it, realizing you want something different or realizing your purpose for your lives do not align. There are so many reasons why people break up.

But like I said breaking off a relationship is not the end of the word. It is much better to have a broken relationship or engagement than a broken marriage. So many people stay in bad and toxic relationships hoping the person would change or improve but my advice would be leave! You really do not want to gamble when it comes to who to settle down with.

I went through a terrible breakup some years back and till tomorrow I will forever be grateful to God for that failed relationship because it led me to where I needed to be. I am one who celebrates heart breaks not because I love to see people sad, but because I know if you handle it properly, you will be on your way to finding someone much better especially if you follow Gods principles.  The truth is some people are not fortunate enough to suffer the heart break while they are still dating, they get into marriage and are stuck in a bad marriage they would have avoided if maybe they had experienced a heart break. Am I saying you need to go through a heart break to have a great marriage? The answer is NO! But I am saying you appreciate a wonderful relationship more when you have been in a bad one.

HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN A BAD RELATIONSHIP?

1)      If deep down inside you do not have peace of mind. This may be an indication that this relationship is not for you.

2)      If you have to keep wondering if the person loves you I believe you do not have a great relationship. Love is backed up by actions, so if someone says they love you but their actions say otherwise, please stop making excuses for them. If you go ahead, you may have to manage for the rest of your life.

3)      If there is no trust you are in trouble. If you do not trust this person, there is no point proceeding with the relationship. A good relationship needs trust.

4)      If you are always moving from one quarrel to another and there is hardly peace, you are most likely in a toxic relationship.

5)      If you are with someone who is constantly telling lies, making excuses and does not keep their word this may also be an indication that your relationship is not that great. You cannot trust a liar, you cannot build with someone who is always making excuses and someone who does not respect their own word is not honorable.

6)      If you are in a relationship where you are constantly being cheated on, lied to and the culprit always promises to change but never does, you are in a bad relationship.

7)      If you are being mentally and physically attacked you are in a bad relationship.

8)      If the relationship is not bringing out the best in you and challenging you to grow, you are not in a good relationship.

9)      If the relationship separates you from your family, friends and loved ones who have invested in you, you are most likely in a bad relationship.

10)  And the last but most powerful point I would like to add is if this so called relationship creates a partition between you and God and constantly puts you in a position where you compromise and displease God you are in a very bad relationship!

I believe that at one point or the other you have been on the receiving end or even the giving end of a bad relationship.  Below are some tips on how to get through a bad relationship and how to improve on one's self after a bad relationship.  Everyone has something to learn from a bad relationship if they take some time off to evaluate things critically and stop blaming the other person for everything that went wrong.

HOW TO GET OVER A BAD RELATIONSHIP

1)      You must remind yourself that rushing into another relationship is pointless. Most times people do this just to show their ex's that they are really hot and on high demand. But the honest truth is that if you rush into a relationship without properly evaluating why the last one ended and areas of your own character you need to work on, you are most likely going to repeat your mistakes and you would be deprived of the wisdom you should get from self-reflection. You really do not have to prove anything to your ex or to the world. Take some time to heal, reflect and grow.

2)      Learn to enjoy being single again. Singleness is not a crime. Use this time to rediscover yourself and do the things you love.

3)      Do not dwell on the hurt, do not play sad music, do not go online to read sad articles, fight to temptation to vent on social media, do not stalk your ex's page, refuse to listen to those informants who take it upon themselves to remind you that your ex now has a new partner, and do not pretend not to be hurt. Denial can become fatal.

4)      Spend time with the word of God, spend time with good and supportive friends, feel the vacuum created with good and healthy habits, and do not run to someone else for comfort, it may lead to a relationship which is not a good idea because you are still not really over your last relationship.

       

5)      Evaluate your failed relationship; think critically on the things you could not stand from that relationship. An example is my failed engagement helped me realize I would not put up with a man who does not keep his word or tells lies, I would not put up with someone who is financially reckless, I would investigate properly by asking questions and observing closely before giving my heart etc. A lot of people think they know what they want but the truth is you never really know what you want till you know what you absolutely do not want in a relationship. So if you take out time to ponder on the things you could not stand that made you so angry in that bad relationship, it would help you look out for those red lights in a potential relationship. At this point you know the areas you cannot and would not compromise.

6)      You cannot get over an ex if you keep going back to them. Shut the door and move forward, you cannot move forward if you keep looking back to see what could have, should have or may be. Fight that voice in your head that keeps saying you should go back and just manage because good guys or girls are extinct, counter that voice by saying what if you go back and miss out on the best person God has for you? Good men and women exist and God is still in the business of show casing his own just like he did Eve. Trust me I know that good and godly men exist because I asked God for the best and he hooked me up.

7)      Do not go looking for the one. Everyone may start looking like it. So just go to God directly and follow his lead, do not make a decision by yourself and then drag God into it, follow his lead instead.

8)      Do not hang around people who will keep telling you negative stories. Contrary to popular belief, excellent relationships exist, faithful men exist, men who honor God exist and the female versions also exist.

9)      Break every negative soul tie prayerfully especially if you were sexually involved with your ex. Repent and do not go back to your sin.

10)  See yourself the way God sees you. Remind yourself that you are special and that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Fight those negative thoughts and meditate on Phillipians 4:8.