EPISODE 3 – KNOWING HOW TO PURSUE.

In our previous episode, I addressed the ladies on how to become pursuable. In this episode, I will be addressing the men. I am specifically talking to the good guys and the laid-back guys, the play boys don’t need my advice except to change their filthy ways.

So, let’s get right into it. So many good guys find themselves single for so long but the play boys are always so forward and quick to take attention away from the good and laid-back guys.

Here are some tips on how to pursue a good woman;

1. 1      BE COURAGEOUS – When you see a girl who you like, don't be timid, go and say hello. Forget about if she would look down on you or if she would be sassy, the real question should be what if she becomes a really great friend? What if she ends up being my wife? Do not approach her like someone who is unsure of himself. Say hi to her, give her a compliment and spark off a conversation. Here is the best way to look at it, it’s either you allow the fear of rejection eat away at you and paralyze you, or you tell yourself the worst thing that can happen is she would ignore me and tell me no. getting rejected is part of life, but that should not stop you from putting yourself out there. I once heard someone say “the patient dog eats the fattest bone”, then someone else replied “yes but not in a hundred-meter race”. It is good to be patient, but it is also good to go for what you want in good time, because if you don't, the play boy would be there to take her attention, waste her time and leave her sad and dejected. So good guy your courage is also another way of saving someone from potential heart break. Sometimes your courage would earn you a wife, or a friend. Being timid is an unattractive trait and it makes you look as if you are unsure of yourself. You have a lot to offer but you are second guessing yourself, meanwhile the play boy has so much confidence and all he has to offer is heart break. The play boy has so much confidence, and that confidence makes him appear as if he knows what he wants and can handle being with a woman. The funny thing is women keep falling for the playboy repeatedly because he is confident. So good guys, if no one has told you, take it from me you are the real deal and the right woman will appreciate you. Do not be scared to put yourself out there even if your heart has been broken in the past.

This issue of courage is one that cannot be over emphasized, for those who have no idea what courage is, it is the strategy marketers use to convince you to purchase a product, they put their best foot forward. Imagine a marketer approaching you and sounding like they mistakenly appeared in front of you and do not know what to say. You would become irritated. Play boys invest a lot of time in their game and how to walk up to a girl, and what to say to her. Their work usually pays off in the short run, the good guys leave things to chance and end up pissing girls off. Do not be too humble, look straight at her when you are talking to her, think of conversation starters and try to carry the conversation, crack some jokes if you can. The first step is to make her curious about you. This would mean she has picked interest and would be happy to talk some more and get to know you better. You can be reserved and courageous, you do not have to change into someone you are not. My husband is generally an introvert, and we were friends for a while, I knew he was a good guy, but he was always confident and courageous. After being distant friends for some years, our friendship changed in 2014, we became closer and it was kind of obvious we were beginning to like each other, I kept waiting for him to ask me out officially but he didn’t. You know good guys always try not to be too forward, so one day I told him I was at the mall and someone tried to ask me out and I really did not know how to reply. I knew we liked each other but nothing was defined and I did not want to assume anything and get my heart broken, so I asked him what should my response be if I find myself in such a situation again? I cannot remember exactly what he said but it was now clear that I was his girlfriend and he was, my boyfriend. The reason I was patient enough to do this was because we were friends for a long time and when we became closer, I realized he was my ideal man, in fact I nick named him “Mr. too good to be true” because I had no Idea such a man could exist.

So, I would tell the good guys to be confident and do not wait till the girl is tired. Shoot your shot, stop allowing the play boys mess things up. And ladies, for those of you who have been hurt, stop going back to the same type of guys who hurt you. Sweet words are just that, a man’s actions should be more important than whatever comes out of his mouth. So, if you meet a good guy and for some unspoken reason he is being shy or overly patient, help him out. Do not ask him out, but ask him about the situation and let him respond.  All in all, courage is not the absence of fear, but it is forging ahead despite being afraid of the uncertain outcome. Now that you have the courage to talk to her, you need to make sure you come correct.

1. 2)      HOW TO PACKAGE YOURSELF – Just like I told the ladies in the previous episode, it is also important for the man to look his best. Some good guys are clueless about what suits them and how to look nice. The truth is some people are not just blessed with dress sense, but the good thing is you should be willing to learn. If you even find a girl who is patient enough to teach you, be humble enough to learn.

 Comb your hair, brush your teeth, iron your clothes, have some decent shoes, use deodorant. It is a terrible thing for your breath to stink. I know this guy with really bad breath and I keep wondering, why has his family members and very close friends not told him? I have thought about telling him many times but I just try to stay a bit far when we talk. If you notice that girls are running away from you, please investigate yourself, find out if it’s a character flaw, or if it’s a hygiene flaw. You should always be willing to improve yourself even when you finally get married, do not just relax and turn into the fat potbellied man. Do all you can to remain sweet and fresh for your woman.

 

1. 3)      ARE YOU A LEADER? – Just because you are a decent man does not make you a good leader. I have come across selfish guys who believe that men are more important than women in a relationship. They believe it all starts and ends with her in a kitchen and taking care of him and his children. The leadership role is something so many men do not understand, they believe it is a tool to lord over women. But to be a true leader is to serve, and to serve in many different capacities. Since I am a Christian, I will use some biblical examples. Jesus had so many disciples but he chose to be the one to wash their feet, and when it came down to it, he died for our sins. A lot of men do not realize the severity and seriousness of the role that has been placed upon them. If you believe leading a woman and a family is a small job, you are completely clueless.

 Leadership means sacrifice and putting others first. I used to wish I was a man till my eyes were opened to what it really means to be a man. If I place someone in charge and say “lead these people”, if something goes wrong, I will hold the leader accountable. That is the same with God, if a man does not live up to the leadership role God has placed him in, he will have to give account. The truth is I cannot teach you how to be a great leader in just one post, so what I would do is give you pointers on where to look. First of all, I implore you to look into the bible and see what God expects of you as a man. Look for exemplary men and ask them questions on how their journey has been and what you should work on. As a leader, be willing to learn and unlearn, be honest about your weaknesses and strive to improve on them. Never forget that being the one God placed as the head comes with a lot more responsibilities so do not let God down, do not let yourself down, and do not let your followers down.

 

 

1. 4)      ARE YOU READY TO LOVE? – A lot of guys do not really understand the true meaning of love. They just work with their feelings. But the truth is love is a deliberate decision to give and keep on giving. The bible says for God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son. He gave the most important thing to him. But most times the love we claim to have is a very selfish one. So, I will recommend 1 Corinthians 13 at this juncture. Before you tell a woman you love her, give yourself this litmus test, replace the love in 1 Corinthians 13 with your name and ask yourself if you can do all that for the woman. Can you suffer long for her? would you be patient with her?  will you be willing to forgive and keep no record of wrong? When people talk about love, they approach it mostly from the part that deals with attraction. But the truth is you can become attracted to many people, you can have chemistry with many people. But love is serious work and requires sacrifice and commitment. There would be times where you are not happy with your spouse, times when you do not feel like being in love but you still have to show love and give your best.

If you know that you are not ready to love, simply maintain a platonic friendship, the world is a difficult place so try not to make it worse by breaking someone’s heart. If you know you are not ready, do not rush into a relationship as there is nothing wrong with being friends.

 

1. 5)      WHAT ARE YOU BRINGING TO THE TABLE? – I ask this because some guys are serious liabilities. If you get involved with them, your life would be difficult. I am not saying you need to get married to a millionaire but the man should understand what his responsibilities are. Before you go professing love, make sure you are ready to shoulder responsibilities. Do you have a source of income? Can you provide for a family? Are you willing to work or is your philosophy “God will provide” while you relax? Some men are even comfortable doing nothing but spending what the woman makes, some even target girls from rich homes so they do not have to work.

If you want to get married, you need to be prepared for it. Whether we like it or not, finance is very important in a relationship. Some men have more money than others. For those who do not have so much, proper planning would help you a lot. If you plan properly, you will achieve a lot. And then you can keep striving for more money.

You also need to bring maturity to the relationship. You need to be willing to let go of childish and petty habits to have a successful relationship. You must be willing to bring Trust and faithfulness to the table, you cannot expect what you are not willing to give. If you want a faithful wife or girlfriend, also bring those qualities. You must also be willing to bring respect commitment and love to the table, do not treat her anyhow you like. You must be willing to lead as I have stated earlier. If you do not have anything to offer, please leave the girl alone. I have seen useless guys asking for what they cannot offer. This life is give and take. Any quality you hope for in a partner, it is only fair that you also bring those traits forward. I have seen unfaithful men look for good women to marry, I have seen lazy men look for hard working women to marry, I have seen dishonest people say they want an honest person. All these things I am saying also applies to the women. You find lazy women looking for rich men to cater to them and sponsor their extravagant life style, dishonest ladies wanting honest men etc.

Fit and proper men (women) who genuinely have a lot to bring to the table also need to be careful because they will attract both good and bad women (men). You will have to observe people patiently and make a wise decision. If you have all these qualities, please do not waste time on ladies who do not understand the value of these qualities. For some ladies, all that matters to them is money, money, money! It is when they get married that their eyes will be open, that is when they would be wishing for faithfulness, commitment, asking him to be more present and involved etc.  It would be really foolish of you to be talking of marriage when you are not bringing anything to the table. Even if she marries you by some miracle, in the marriage she will start demanding for more. So, if you do not have anything to bring to the table, keep working on yourself and developing yourself. Become the person you would be attracted to if you were a lady.

 

1. 6)    ASK GOD FOR DIRECTION – At every stage of your life you need God. How can you truly know what is in the heart of others? A woman can pretend to be what you are looking for (vice versa). You need to pray and tell God to reveal the heart of this person to you so that you can make an informed decision. You may make mistakes, you may even get your heart broken, but with God on your side, you will eventually end up with the best partner.