CHRONICLES OF A NEW WIFE EPS 1 

I remember studying really hard for the bar final exams. George (my husband) told me he would want us to get married in December 2017 when I would have been done with law school. He wanted me to finish school before we dive into our marital journey. And I made up my mind that I was not going to fail any exam. I did not want the stress of exams and marital responsibilities colliding. So my social life was almost nonexistent, social media life was almost gone too, I only had time to post during holidays or whenever I just needed a break from my books. I could not stay on the phone for too long. I did all this because I told myself I would not come back for any re-sit exams. I also needed time to pray, so I apologized to people before time because I had a target and I was not going to allow anything or anyone distract me.

I remember praying so much and also studying so much. And one day I asked myself, if I have to put in this much work to pass an exam, how much work would I need to put in to prepare for this marriage? I had read many books, I became friends with married women who have been in this marriage business for so long and I began to ask them questions. So many people go into marriage without a strategy to win, they do not see the need to prepare for marriage the way they prepare for exams and other projects. They assume love is all they need. They believe that since they are both Christians or of the same religious background everything will work out. They forget that the Devils own strategy and sole purpose in life is to kill, to steal and to destroy. 

At the early stages of my life, I used to get excited thinking about my wedding day and marriage. But when I began to think deeply about how my life was about to change, excitement turned into thoughts on how to make sure I succeed. I had a plan in place to ensure I did not fail my academic exams, and I quickly realized I also needed a plan to ensure that I do not fail at this institution called marriage. I was waking up every night before my wedding to pray and my mom and best friend joined me on most nights. I told God I did not want any accident for those who would travel for the wedding, I told God I wanted his power, his presence and his glory to be present on the wedding day, I prayed even more for the marriage and asked for grace to be better than the woman in proverbs 31, I asked for his beauty to surround me, I asked for wisdom to know when to speak and when to be quiet, and many more things I prayed about.

The odds seemed to even be against us because I am a Pentecostal pastor's daughter and my then fiancé turned husband is a serious Catholic (more like serious Christian. I usually forget he is Catholic till someone brings it up or we have to go to church). I remember people asking me what I was thinking and at some point I asked myself if I could handle this challenge. One pastor even gave us his unsolicited opinion that we are making a mistake and we just laughed. Apparently, someone he knew married from outside their denomination and the marriage was a disaster. But I knew he was talking out of ignorance because marriages have different challenges, and people from the same denomination end up divorced or with bad marriages, so that is not the real problem. Your marriage is not guaranteed success based on the fact that you both attend a Pentecostal church, or Catholic Church. The success of a marriage is derived from submitting to Gods will, putting in the work required, understanding what you are about to step into, understanding what God expects of you as a wife, mother and helpmeet.  Your husband also needs to understand what his role is as a husband, father and the leader of the home. So coming from the same church is not a yardstick for a wonderful marriage. But most of us are comfortable with what we are used to which is fine. But I personally was not going to throw away the best man I have met in my entire life and the one who God tailor made for me, just because he attends a different church. I knew my journey would be different but not unsuccessful! I chose to listen to those who were counseling, encouraging, and teaching us how to win, rather than those telling us we would fail. I focused on the beauty of what God is going to use us to do in the body of Christ showing people that you should marry a person who loves God and  not necessarily the church they attend. The church is not really the building but the people. And true Christians bear similar fruit so you may have someone in the same church as you bearing different fruits. I knew God had given us a different assignment and I was not going to run away from it just because it would be challenging or uncomfortable.

So I had to have a talk with myself. What must I do to make sure I have a successful marriage? It is wonderful to have all these degrees and excel at academic pursuits, but I also know I do not want an average marriage, I want an excellent marriage. I do not want a marriage where I have to just keep enduring, but a marriage that I enjoy. This was one of my prayer points also, God bless me with a marriage I enjoy not one I have to endure. So right after my bar final exams, I made a decision to go on a 90 days fast and I told George about it and he decided to join me, we ended up fasting for 2 months instead of 3 months but I was happy with that. We took our marriage counseling classes seriously, and we had some of the best pastors take us through the process.

We make sure we communicate as we have always done, no keeping negative emotions in and acting out at each other, and we make sure we remember our roles and do what we have to do to the glory of God. So Just like I had a strategy to help me succeed at the Bar final exams, I also told myself there is no room for failure in this marriage, so I constantly look to the word of God, I pray over my home, I cook, I clean, I go to work, I encourage my man, I try not to stay upset for too long, I believe people who stay upset for too long are like those people who leave their garbage indoors for so long and the whole place starts to stink, so forgiveness to me is like taking out the garbage and breathing in fresh air. I do whatever I have to do to make sure I win at this because God is counting on me, counting on us to make him proud and show others the way.

So far so good, I am grateful for the man God has blessed me with, and I am looking forward to making God proud and showing others that you can succeed at this whole marriage thing if you make up your mind about it and enlist God for his help and grace. What is your strategy to help you win in life? What strategy do you have in place to help you have a heaven on earth marriage? Are you willing to put in the work? Or are you just hoping things would be fine without putting in the work and sacrifice needed?

Please look forward to more write-ups from this new bee wife. Have an awesome day peeps. Loads of love from MRS OJ.