OGA AT THE TOP!!!

"Oga at the top",is a catch phrase and/or title that has quickly become popular here among my Nigerian friends and through association, I continue to find myself on the receiving end of this title. This morning my curiosity led me to inquire on the exact meaning and origin of this phrase. Oga (stress on the "a") I was told, is an Igbo word that is used mostly informally to address an owner, leader or 'person in charge’. Having learnt part of the theory I decided to apply the phrase myself ,but quickly discovered that ladies aren't so welcoming to the idea of being addressed in that way.:).:):)

"Oga at the top», though not yet a cliche is used by different people, in different situations to mean different things yet in all its dynamics, remains unanimous to the masculine gender. Interesting isn't it?

When I first started dating my fiance  I would unknowingly irritate her with endless inquiries on her personality, character, upbringing and life in general. Not too long afterwards, the tables turned and I started to answer questions mostly about what I am doing, where I am going and what my plan is until she caught me completely off guard one day when she suddenly switched to "where are we going?" and "what is OUR plan??" It freaked me out then, because like many men out there I was yet to understand that asking such questions comes NATURALLY as part of our God-given instincts. Men with their "leader and provider" instincts, ask the questions they do because they need to know whether or not the lady has the qualities and abilities to help them get where they are going while women naturally need to know the plan in order to see how they can be of help. The lack or absence of a plan or answer is what frustrates a lot of women today and it is this frustration that has given birth to various feminist ideas and theories that have to a large extent transformed and redefined Gods original plan for a man-woman union.

As usual I prefer to look at the source of the problem and not the result. We know where we have fallen but where did we slip? The issue is we have so many "ogas" but very few have taken their place at the top of things. A lot of us have simply been given the title but have not TAKEN it. In other words, we don't want to lead yet expect to be followed! In many relationships, especially here in this country, I've noticed how the women are usually the smarter, more spiritually oriented and goal-driven half, while in some marriages you find the woman is the spiritual leader, financial provider and general problem-solver of the home. In these situations, although the woman is clearly leading, a man's dignity and natural instincts simply cannot allow him to submit and be a follower. As a result, we end up with two «leaders" with two different plans, two different visions and a whole lot of confusion and chaos.

As a man you need to constantly ask yourself "Am I the spiritual leader?" "Do I have a solid plan and direction?" "Am I setting the bar high enough?" "Do I have the wisdom to solve and get through the various obstacles that may arise?" "Am I just giving instructions or leading by example?" "Am I really The OGA AT THE TOP??"

If not then what are you doing about it?

BY MWEUSHI ALLAM MPHANDE.