Why You Love Me So - Ibitayo Jeje ft President Olusegun Obasanjo

                       IF WISHES WERE HORSES, BEGGARS WOULD RIDE!
       Today so many people want ready made success, ready made relationships, ready made friendships, they want everything ready made that they can lay their hands on. Well while a hand few may get lucky, most people don't. Some people waste so much time waiting, when they should be building. And some others spend the time wishing they would get that ready made thing instead of working hard to make that wish a reality.
     Nothing good comes easy is a very popular quote a lot of people are familiar with. But to so many, it is just a saying. The message behind it hardly ever hits home. While some people love to seat back and wish for everything they want or even cheat their way to get there, some very reasonable few have decided to work now so they can smile latter. Every one wants to seat at the table, but not everyone is willing to work hard and tirelessly to get there. To be lazy and just seat around wishing is so easy, and most likely than not many people prefer to take the easy way out or even look for a short cut. Growing up I remember my mum always telling me "short cuts will cut you short". So whatever you find yourself doing, do it to the best of your ability.
      While most people are comfortable watching movies, surfing the net and just whiling away precious time, some people are working hard trying to bring something relevant to the table thereby making reasonable contributions to their society or the little communites they find themselves in. chatting, pinging, sleeping, gossiping, e.t.c. will never get you to any relevant position. But hard work will.
      The truth is hard work takes a lot of discipline. And the human body always wants to just relax and be lazy so it takes a lot of discipline to do the right thing at the right time. The mind always wants to tell you to procrastinate but it takes a lot of self discipline to say I will work hard now and enjoy latter. If you spend your youthful years playing and relaxing, you will end up having to work hard when you should be resting. Hard work really does not kill. One thing I have realized in life is, people always respect and want to be associated with someone who has something to bring to the table. They tend to forget you or look down on you when all you do is practically nothing, or nothing that counts for anything.
      The time to act is now, the time to work hard is now. Tomorrow is a day short of what you would have achieved today. So wake up from your slumber and work hard now. In winter I always wish so hard that someone would just dash me a car and end my misery of having to stand in the cold waiting on the bus. But I still take the bus. That just goes to show that wishing so hard for something hardly ever delivers that thing to you. But working hard does. The best results can only be achieved through actions and not through wishing. So stop wishing your time away and act now!! My friends grandma used to tell my younger sister and I " NO SWEAT NO SWEET". Years have passed now, and I am beginning to understand that you must work hard. God has deposited all it takes to be great and to succeed in you, but you need to work hard to make it a reality in your life. STOP WISHING START WORKING!!!!

By Prize Abimbola Arowolo.

                         HOW TO BUILD UP YOUR SELF ESTEEM. 

      In a world like ours, it is not uncommon to find so many people especially youths and teenagers with very low self-esteem. Peer pressure and the need to fit in are on an all-time high. And in a bid to fit in, a lot of people loose themselves, develop very low self-esteems and some even end up in serious trouble. 

       Self esteem is something that should be very relevant to everyone. Just in case someone is wondering what self esteem means, it can be said to be " A feeling of being happy with your own character and abilities.  Confidence in one's own worth or abilities. i.e. self respect.  The moment, a person begins to feel like they are not good enough just being themselves or need to be like someone else to be perceived as relevant or important means ones self esteem is low. While low self esteem can be associated with both the male and female gender, it is mostly common or highly associated with the female gender. 

          I am not a very old person, but in the few years I have lived on this planet, I have observed a lot of female friends, friends of friends, and just ladies in general, and i have come to the conclusion that we battle with low self esteem more often than not. So many ladies walk and move around looking very confident, but deep down inside they are battling with low self esteem and insecurities. I can not categorically boast of being hundred percent confident, but it is something we all need to work on. The way you look on the outside is quite important. But the way you feel on the inside is way more important than the way you appear outwardly. Most women end up with low self esteems because they spend valuable time trying to look good for the public eye. Instead of working on their inner strength. If women, could focus or redirect the same energy they spend trying to loose weight, and having the perfect figure into building up their inner strengths, low self esteem will not be such a problem. I am not against loosing weight or looking good just to be clear. I am just saying feeling good on the inside is also important and would even enhance how you look on the outside.  

        It is very easy for human beings generally to hold on to negative reviews  or remarks than positive ones. For instance, someone tells you, your legs are so fat, or why are you so short? And your mind just absorbs it, and then you begin to feel like you need to change it, or do something about it. Instead of maybe focusing on a strength you have.  There was a certain time in my life when I had to battle with that inner low self esteem and tell myself  that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. You do not have to be like, look like or act like everyone to be amazing. All you need to do is focus on your strengths and gradually turn your weaknesses to strengths as well.you need to learn to love yourself and get to know yourself and realize how amazing you are. Basically you need to sort of fall in love with yourself and who God has designed you to be. Below are some very important ways to build up your self esteem. weather male or female. 

1) First thing is to buy a mirror and take a very good look at yourself. without make up. And just admire yourself and what you see. 

2) Second thing is to tell yourself you were created perfectly. I.e God did not make any mistake when he created you. Tell yourself your eyes are perfect, your nose is perfect. And just soak in the beauty God has given to you. Basically just tell yourself you are the best. :) 

3) Tell yourself you do not need to look like anyone else to be perfect. Neither do you need to alter any body part. I strongly believe low self esteem is what drives people to try to alter their bodies because they do not feel good enough. Tell yourself you do not need to bend who you are to fit into the society, the society will have to bend to fit and accept you because you are perfect.

4) Do not, i repeat do not hang around people who only pay attention to your weaknesses. I believe everyone has that one friend who always notices the negative first before anything else. Avoid such people. Hang around people who see your strengths and potential. 

5) Never get too comfortable with yourself because there is always room for improvement. There is still so much about yourself you are yet to discover. Hidden potentials and strengths. And you will never discover these hidden treasures if you are always focused on just the outer shell. i.e the outward appearance. 

6) You need to tell yourself that your weaknesses and flaws is not all there is to you. In fact they are part of the components that make you human and they are the great opportunities for change. Don't see your weaknesses and flaws as just weaknesses, see them as a window to working on yourself and a challenge  to bring out the best you there can be.

      With that said. Looking good on the outside is very important. But it is also as important to feel good on the inside. And you should not depend on people's complements to determine how good or bad you feel. You should learn to appreciate yourself and tell yourself what you want to hear once in a while. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Copying someone else or trying to be like someone else is really a crime and a waste of the potentials hidden in you. Be yourself and always have it in mind that, you are the best and only you there would ever be in this world. So you owe it to yourself to be the best you there can ever be!!

                   

         HOLDING ON TO GOD. 

       Once in a while in life, situations, circumstances and happenings around you just make you feel like God are you still there? Trials begin to come in from left right and center. And you may feel like why is everything just happening to me at once. Well the truth is at such delicate, stressful or even painful moments, the devil tries to get you to focus on everything that is going wrong around you and keep you focused on all the things you should worry about. He makes you hold on to the worries so much, you begin to loose hope and your words become negative. Like when people ask how is the situation instead of saying "God is in control", you begin to feel so sorry about yourself and helpless you say things like "We are just managing" or " I really don't know". When faced with such challenges, this is not the time to give in to the devil and all his schemes. This is neither a time to doubt God. This is neither a time to be led by the way you feel. The bible lets us know that faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. So even if you cannot see your miracle or break through yet, even if you cannot see a way out yet, even if you feel like the door has been shut towards you finally, never stop having faith and confessing the word of God. The word of God is life. There is power in what we speak. So i encourage you to speak life to every dead situation. Do not converse or relate with people who will only tell you "AIYA" "SORRY" "THIS LIFE IS NOT FAIR". Be around people who will remind you and speak the word of God to you. You only loose when you give in, when you throw in the towel and stop trying. Even if your faith is like a mustard seed, it will surely move mountains. When next you are asked about that difficult situation, tell them all is well and all will be well in Jesus name.   Don't cry because the battle is the lords. And if God fights for you, you are a winner. Keep your eyes on God. And remember all is well in Jesus name. AMEN!!!

Below are some bible passages to hold on to Psalms 46:1 "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."  Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (NIV) Philippians 4:6-7 
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (NIV)

LIFE IS A MIRACLE.......

                       

   After spending a night at the hospital, I have come to the conclusion that life and everything it entails is a gift. It is not a right or something that just happens by coincidence. Seeing so many people in pain and distress made me appreciate those things we consider little and normal or even a right. 
                         Recently I have been asking God if miracles really exist because I have been trusting him for a miracle for quite some time now. And in between all my mixed feelings of anger, sadness and confusion, a voice inside me told me waking up every morning is a miracle. Sleeping through the night in peace without pain or discomfort is a miracle. walking, talking, eating, and even reading comfortably is a miracle. Virtually everything is a miracle.
                         I was so bent on getting the big miracle that I could no longer realize the little miracles God gives to us on a daily basis. So I decided to write and encourage someone out there who is trusting God for a big miracle. Keep thanking him for the little miracles and trust him for the big one. Do not let the devil get in your head. God is God and he owes us no explanations for how things turn out, but he expects us to keep trusting him and believing in him. The truth is sometimes trusting God can be so hard when the situation at ground is so big and tedious, but I choose to believe and to trust in the power of God which is bigger than every situation. When difficulties arise and life's problems want to weigh you down, hold on steadfastly to God. And don't forget the fact that you are still breathing is a miracle! Where there is life there is hope. where there is life there is hope. So hold on just a little longer!! Our hope is built on nothing less than the solid rock!!!

                                              How I FEEL.........

     So I really don't know what title to give to this write up because I just want to pour out my mind and how I really feel right now. I know a lot of people read my write ups and i get really great feed backs and all of that. But today I don't want to preach or advice any one. Cause really Most of the things i write are things I have learnt, or still in the process of learning.
          Sometimes life looks so complicated and I begin to have so many questions that frankly no one has the answers to. Like why do people fall sick, or why are some people so poor and why do people get divorced? hurt each other? Why do people fight in wars? Why can't we just live a simple happy life. Why does life have to get complicated once in a while. I know I am not a kid any more. But sometimes I just want to ask somebody and get the perfect answer.
         So at times like this, I find it very easy to write because I get to pretend i'm having a conversation with God. And I know he hears everything even the things I cannot tell anyone about. Sometimes I just get tired of everything. Praying, hoping, working, but I know you are there and you care even when I disappoint you and ignore you. So God this is another letter from me to you. Asking you to never give up on me and to keep working on me and in this very complicated world. So to all those who are confused or sad, or just feel like giving up, I believe no one has it so easy. But when you have God it is bearable and better. So let him hold your hand through whatever it is. As i encourage myself I certainly hope you are encouraged as well.
                     

                                     WHO TO TRUST????

                                                                                                                                                 

            I just felt like writing something before i go to bed, because I know a lot of people can relate to this. When we were kids, we were all so eager to grow up. Little did we know that growing up has a lot of challenges and obstacles you need to confront and defeat as time goes on. A friend of mine wrote on his Facebook status “Growing up is just a setup" I laughed when I saw it because I was kind of feeling that way sort of. And I am sure many youths out there and maybe a few adults feel the same way.

            Sometimes I wish life would be so easy and void of sorrows, struggles, fears and all the many confusions. But I guess that's just part of what sin brought into the world. There are days when I just feel like being alone and just enjoying the silence and the beauty of what God has created. But there is just so much noise, distraction, and confusion around the world. Everything is happening so fast. Every day you wake up is another day to make either a right or wrong choice. And sometimes, it is really difficult to know what right or wrong is in a world such as ours. And it even becomes more confusing when you realize people who have told you to do right are capable of being wrong and doing wrong.

           I had my heart broken once. Yeah i know right? It was nothing serious you may say but a huge deal to me. lol. That was when I began to realize how complicated life could be. I can lol(laugh out loud) about it now cause God helped me through it and thought me a lot. A part of me wanted to hurt and just be really mean to all the guys in the world. But something inside kept telling me to trust  "God" before any man. This was really hard to do. Cause I was so mad and I kept all the anger inside. It took time learning to trust God. And the best thing came out of it. I learnt how to be in a relationship with God. Tell him how i feel about every little thing. How it hurt, who made it hurt, where it hurt. And all the things one would share with a friend,

           Fast forward a couple of years later. Am good, things are going great, and I fall in love again finally. And there is the part of me who is really scared to commit so I put "one leg in one leg out", and the moment I see a challenge, I get ready to run for my life or should I say "heart". I even make up reasons in my head why this whole love and trust thing is a scam. So the safest bet is, never get too serious. And leave before you get hurt. Then God reminded me of what trust is and how he is the only person I can really trust. So I made up my mind to entrust my life and the lives of those I love and the person I love and everything to him. Since the only person I could really trust was God at that time. It’s so easy trusting God when everything is going smoothly. But the minute I see a storm I panic and begin to trust in my own strength which always fails. When you trust God enough to give him the things and people you love, and not place them above him, he takes care of them and you!

           I remember sometime last year when I was so confused and uncertain about so many things and I could not sleep, I decided to have a conversation with God. And peter walking on water came to my heart. And I heard a voice in me say, “you always sink when you take your eyes off of me”. And I realized how Its always so easy to forget God when things are going great till we meet another stumbling block, storm or confusion. To be honest keeping my eyes on God is not always so easy. But I keep doing the best I can daily. Having God with me makes living in this world bearable. It gives me hope and courage to go through life.  Are you confused, heartbroken, disappointed, angry, depressed or worried? Well I don't have all the answers to be honest. But I know someone who does. He knows how you feel even without you saying a word. He understands every tear drop, he knows where it hurts, how its hurts and when it hurts. He knows when you are confused and just feel like giving up. He is the reason I wake up every morning and want to try again. His name is Jesus. Try talking to him, leaning on him and trusting in him. He is 100% guaranteed. Have a relationship with him and keep trusting. 

       Here is something to keep you going. Jeremiah 29;11. There is hope in your future so keep trusting him to bring it to light!!

                                   

                                        ONE LEG IN, ONE LEG OUT!!

       Hi friends hope you are all doing well and having a great time. I am very sure you are wondering what prize is talking about again. Well one leg in, and one leg out is very self-explanatory. It simply means half commitment in whatever you are doing. 

       A lot of people are the one leg in and one leg out type. Not just in a relationship scenario, but in many other things. Examples include our relationship with God. Dedication to a particular project, work, business,  and even school. I think this varies for different individuals. So many people prefer the easy way out i.e. the short cut. They prefer to have one leg in and one leg out. Half commitment to God, to their relationships etc. because they are not sure of what the future holds. It is almost impossible for people to build friendships that will stand the test of time today because; people are ONE LEG IN, AND ONE LEG OUT! No one is willing to take a chance. And frankly a lot of people have many wonderful reasons why they choose to stick just one leg in and leave the other outside. 

      So many young people are confused today about a lot of things. Should I say yes? What if I am making the wrong choice and this turns out to be a mistake. Should I even be studying medicine? Is he right for me? Is she right for me? And being confused is not really what God wants for anyone. Most people cannot take a proper step or make a proper decision because they fear the unknown. It is just safe to have one leg in. Unfortunately for our generation, we have a lot of media and so many things to keep people confused and busy doing nothing. So many people have resorted to remain this way because they have not searched deep enough to realize that there is a way out. The only thing is, nothing good comes easy. You have to work. 

        I used to be confused about a lot of things till I realized how to pray and develop a personal relationship with God. I was always one leg in, and one leg out in so many things. It was safer that way. But the moment I realized that if God is the foundation of anything, it would never crumble. If my eyes are set on him just like peter, I would never sink. If my eyes drift away, I refocus my eyes and set them on him again and again. A lot of people know about God, who he is and what he can do, but they have no personal relationship with him. For example, the chemistry book "Ababio", a lot of people know about this book, they use the formulas in it and they get good grades. They know the author of the book, but most of them do not know him personally, or have a close relationship with him. They do not know his likes or dislikes. This is the same thing that happens with so many youths and adults out there today. You know God, but have no close personal relationship with him. So they do not even recognize his voice and cannot listen for direction. So the safest bet is one leg in, and one leg out. You use his principles and formula's, but you cannot talk to him as a friend, a lover, a brother, a sister, etc. Some people talk to everyone about their situation, confusions, dreams, aspirations, plans and everything. But never talk to God about any of it. They get into businesses, relationships and all sorts of things without letting God know about it or giving him room to build with them. But the minute it goes wrong, they begin to pray and use his principles. Whereas you would have made the right decision if you had just taken a few minutes to talk to God and listen for a reply or watch. But how can you listen to God when you are one leg in and one out with him as well? You are not patient enough to hear what he is saying. Jeremiah 29:11 says my thoughts in order words "my plans" for you are of peace and not evil. So the best person to trust to be all in with is God, who will in turn direct you to who and where you have a good future. And tell you how to lay a solid foundation. Psalm 127;1.Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it. Except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain. Proverbs 3;5 says trust in the lord with "ALL" your heart, "LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING" , in all your ways "SUBMIT TO HIM", and He will make your path "STRAIGHT".

        I am not telling you to jump in with your two legs just like that. I am saying always seek direction before you do.  Make a decision today not to remain at the spot of one leg in one leg out. A relationship with God guarantees direction, understanding, bright future and a straight path. Are you ready to work with God? Are you ready to walk with God? Are you ready to trust him enough and obey?

 Have a lovely week ahead! :)

                  WHAT DO I DO WITH THESE FEELINGS?

       This past week, God has been teaching me about a fruit of the spirit called self-control. And I stumbled on Joyce Meyer’s messages.. She has so many messages on self-control. So check them out. Growing up, I was really stubborn; you can verify that from my big brother. I did not mind fighting with him even if I ended up crying lol. But my sister Sharon, never ever got into a fight with my brother or anyone in school for that matter. I just always assumed she was too gentle to fight for herself. And there were even times I would be so mad she did not react or fight back, I would be tempted to fight for her. But she always remained calm. Or she would just cry it out. It took me a while to understand what self-control is. And frankly I am still learning and exercising this fruit of the spirit every day. It is not easy I must say, but when God is holding your hands, walking on water becomes normal. 

         Let’s go into why we act or react the way we do. This has a lot to do with how we feel or what we are feeling at that particular point in time. It's the feeling of uncontrolled anger that always drove me to fight with my big brother. And he in turn would feel provoked and sometimes give me some spanking or just ignore me. Now we have so many feelings inside of us. And I really don't believe any feeling we have was given to us by the devil. No! The bible says we are made in the image of God. So I believe God has feelings as well. If you doubt it, just read john 11;1-35. When Jesus saw Marry and Martha weeping after the death of their brother, he also wept. Now when someone dies people feel sad, really sad, and that feeling is what moves them to tears. So Jesus who is one with God came to us in the form of a man and felt most of what we feel today and refer to as feelings. And for God to send his only son to die, it means he felt compassion for us.

         Now that we know feelings are not bad, it’s what we do with them afterwards that matters. Now the devil tries to capitalize on these feelings and make you forget that you can access something called self-control which is a fruit of the Holy spirit. Now if the Holy Spirit is dormant in your life, His fruits would also be dormant in your life. But if he is active, you begin to manifest and exercise the fruits not just within but outwardly as well. It would be so easy for me to tell you to control your feelings but here is the problem. Matthew 26;40-43 lets us know how the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. Jesus was about to go through the most difficult time of his life, and he needed his disciples more than ever to pray with him at that time, but they were sleeping. Now the bible also says we must die to the flesh for the spirit in us to grow. Romans 8;13. Now here is what happens with our feelings. Feelings are so tricky, it works a lot with the flesh. I feel like having ice cream I have to get it. I feel like she needs to be taught a lesson, so I teach her a lesson. I feel like if I don't satisfy this desire I would die. Well the truth is if you don't the flesh would just have to accept it. 

        Most of us are not willing to go through the rigorous work of dealing with these feelings with the help of the Holy Spirit. We always want the short cuts, the easy way out. And that is what the devil capitalizes on. Now some people ask for the fruit of the spirit, and expect it to just land on them and begin to manifest itself. Well it does not really work that way. Once you have accepted Jesus, his spirit is already within you. But you need to exercise it. An example is when I was asking God to teach me how to love like him and many people began to really do annoying and unfair things to me. Eventually I stopped asking for love. I switched to self-control and the next day, someone really tried my patience and i went off at him. On my way home something kept saying but you said you wanted self-control. And I realized oh so that was an avenue for me to practice it. Okay next time I will. And the next day, honestly I went off at another girl because in my mind I have told myself or taught myself to believe that the best way for me to deal with it is to pour it out immediately and not keep anything inside. But the gentle Holy Spirit has a different approach. So change does not just happen in one day, it’s a process most people are not willing and patient enough to go through. Every feeling can be controlled with the help of the Holy Spirit. But it’s a process. If you start working out today, you will not automatically be in shape tomorrow or even next week. It takes time. A friend of mine gave me a work out package he would like to take home to market. So he asked me to do some of the work out exercises in the video. The first day I was really pumped up and ready to go. By the time I was done, I was feeling like my head was spinning, I wanted to throw up and was just so exhausted. Till tomorrow, I have not gone back to it lol.. Well that is how it feels when the Holy Spirit if trying to adjust our way of thinking or help us control our feelings. We give up too soon! I was willing to go through with the exercise but my body, was reluctant. Many of us want the fruit of the spirit, but our bodies, our feelings just seem to overpower us all the time. The secrete I found is, if your body says no today, try again tomorrow till your body and feelings learn to listen to you. The spirit of God in you is greater than your flesh. If you feed the flesh it grows and becomes stronger. when it says your flesh needs to die, I can't imagine killing myself, I believe it means I refuse to give my flesh what it wants all the time, but then I pay more attention to what my spirit needs and what the spirit inside of me is saying. Now I cannot compare myself to Sharon who has been exercising and practicing the fruit of self-control since we were kids. But I can keep my focus on God like peter walking on water to ensure that I do not sink.

      So the next time you have a feeling you think you cannot control, turn to the Holy spirit, ask for directions and don't be quick to react. Take 2 minutes to listen to the voice inside. What you do with your feelings can either destroy you or make you! Have a great week friends!

                                   

                                        EXCUSES EXCUSES EXCUSES!!!

        It is common knowledge that people try to use excuses to get out of trouble or a difficult situation. This is something that goes back in time to when Adam and Eve fell. No one wanted to take responsibility and just own up. The "BLAME GAME" like I’d like to call it began. So if you are into making excuses, well I am very sure you know you are not the first and probably will not be the last. People love excuses. E.g. I cheated on my wife or left her because she was this and that. It’s so easy to play the blame game and make up excuses for irresponsibility. I did not do so well because the teacher was bad. These are all excuses.

        Normally, I would rather not give personal experiences here so I don't make people feel like she is telling us about herself and all of that. But in this case I would love to give an illustration or example. I have always been the type to get myself out of any mess. I give myself an A+ for that. It does not matter who I implicate or blame for my misbehavior as long as I get myself out of the mess. That was who I was then. Something interesting happened last week. I did something that upset my fiance and instead of just saying am sorry, I wanted to play my normal trick "EXCUSES" OR THE "BABY SELF PITY PARTY", and he said don't even try it. I know you well enough now and I know that trick. So here I was feeling like no hiding place for you prize. I guess this issue has to be confronted and not avoided. And like two mature human beings, we were able to get to a reasonable conclusion and it felt so good. And I kept wondering why I even tried to make excuses in the first place. Funny thing is I love people being real with me and not making excuses. But I also make excuses once in a while.

         I did not tell you that story to bore you or just tell you about my life. I just want to shed some light on what making excuses can result in. Making excuses makes you look irresponsible, in the sense that you know very well if you will be honest with yourself, that you have done something wrong, and instead of just taking responsibility, owning up and apologize, you come up with a flimsy excuse. Another thing is your excuses can only buy you little time. Because you got away with it the first time, does not mean you will get away with it again. While if you own up, it helps you deal with the issue on ground properly so you do not repeat it again. And another thing is if you keep making excuses, you will lose out on a lot of beautiful things. How you may ask? Well I love to equate making excuses with being irresponsible. And being irresponsible can only end badly. And God really despises excuses. Adam and Eve, king Soul, and Moses are just a few people who God had to deal with because after they disobeyed, they were not bold enough to just say I'm sorry. They made up excuses. And like I said making excuses is very irresponsible and heart breaking. Because after doing something wrong or hurting someone, the list you can do is try to be responsible and just own up and fix things. Don't make excuses. Imagine how you would feel if God said, i did not answer your prayer because I was too busy in heaven attending to more important issues, or a friend says I forgot It was so important to you more than once. Or I cheated on you because you were acting distant and nagging.  Excuses never solve anything. It may solve things temporarily, but eventually you will be faced with the issue again.

          When you choose to be responsible, you choose to stop making excuses. Because making excuses, can no longer be an option. But irresponsibility always knows that it has excuses to save the day. Stop looking for someone to blame for your bad behavior's and mistakes. Be responsible not just to God, but to those around you who love you. Excuses HURT. BE RESPONSIBLE. There would always be a million excuses, but it takes courage to say I am sorry and work towards getting it right the next time. MAKE UP YOUR MIND TODAY! EXCUSES SHOULD NOT BE AN OPTION HENCE FORTH!!

                 A WOMAN'S DREAM MAN!

For those of you who have been following the posts on this blog, I am sure you have come to terms with who a gallant man is. A post written by Mweushi Allam Mphande that left a lot of us women happy.  Now that we know who a gallant man is, I know I am not wrong or telling lies when I say, for so many women a gallant man only exists in their dreams or on paper. Lol funny but very true. If you haven't read gallant man, kindly do so before you read this. 

  Recently, I was talking to a friend, and I asked her why she is not paying attention to any admirer, and she said the most fascinating thing. She said prize I pay attention to little details. For example, can you imagine that I walked with a certain guy (I won’t mention his name) from the gate to my destination, and he could not even offer to help me carry what I was holding. She also went on to explain why she does not like to wear short clothing, or tight things, because some guys look at her lustfully. Some even lust while she is properly dressed. And then she rounded off by saying, I don’t want a stingy, uncaring and insensitive man. I know a lot of ladies who feel the same way. Now this issue of being a gallant man may not appeal to you as a man, because somewhere along the line, a mother forgot to teach her son how to treat ladies, forgot to teach her son how to treat his sisters, and so on.  Or maybe you just do not realize how important it is to the female gender to be treated as a lady/woman.

Now guys pay attention because I am about to break it down for you. Here is what I think a lot of women tag as their dream man.

1)     Most women like to start off with, “I want a God fearing man”.  If I try to explain who a God fearing man is, I might start a sermon, so I would just go ahead and assume it is self-explanatory. If it is not, I would be more than happy to explain it to you.

2)     Most women want a man who is not selfish or stingy. Now men I know some of you have encountered some selfish and materialistic women out there, who only care about what you have in your bank accounts. But I am talking about a God fearing authentic woman here who does not place so much value on money. She is okay if you have little, she knows if she keeps praying God will bless the works of your hands. So don’t be stingy or selfish. Now here is the reason why.  A woman knowingly or unknowingly will treat you  the way you treat her, because she is like an incubator. Whatever she takes in, she incubates it, multiplies it, and gives it back to you. So I am sure you understand me. J

3)      Most women want a faithful man. I really do not need to sound a trumpet to explain this point. A man who can respect her enough to end things with her, before going to cheat. Or a man who knows what he has, and makes a conscious deliberate effort to work with it no matter what. A man who knows that the grass is never greener on the other side, but where you water it.

Now I listed 3 points because you will find these 3 in every woman’s dream man list. The remaining points may vary for different women.  I also love a man with a goal and a plan.  So here is the deal guys, we can talk about how you need to be a gallant man from today till next year. But on your own, and with your own strength, you will keep failing. You need God to help you maintain your gallantry status. So get closer to the one who created you, because he has the manual and knows how you should function.  And also cultivate the habit, and in no time, it would become part of you. Just start somewhere. To all the gallant men out there, we sincerely love you! <3 signed women. Who knows after reading this, you might just become someone’s dream man!

                        TALK LESS  ACT MORE!!

       One thing I have realized is, how easy it is to talk. Some people even say" talk is cheap". Yes talk is cheap, in the sense that everyone can afford it. You can say things how you want, and when you want. The truth is most people spend so much time talking, when they should be spending that time acting out what they have said. It’s common knowledge that at the beginning of the year, a lot of people make resolutions and say or even write out a number of things they would love to achieve during the year, but as time goes on, the zeal or motivation reduces, and once again they are left with talk but no action.

        Not too long ago, I was having a conversation with a certain friend of mine, and i decided to "TALK" and share some of my plans. And then he said, you have so many beautiful ideas prize, and I've been hearing about them for quite some time now, but that is where it ends. And then the next time i see you, you talk about something new. After thinking about it, i realized it was true and i made a conscious effort to change it. 

         Now I’ll give you hints on how I've been able to turn my "TALK" into "ACTION". 

1) The first and most important point is, TALK LESS ABOUT THE PLAN, AND ACT MORE!

2) Execute one plan at a time, DO NOT START AND STOP HALF WAY, DO NOT STOP TILL IT IS EXECUTED.

3) Learn to keep yourself motivated. REMIND YOURSELF THAT YOU CAN DO IT AND YOU WILL DO IT.

4) Shun every distraction and have a concrete plan. AVOID PEOPLE WHO TELL YOU IT IS NOT POSSIBLE.

5) Involve God and trust in him to direct you and make a way for you. GOD FIRST! 

         Now with that said, I’d like to also point out or highlight some factors that keep a lot of people talking and not acting. 

1) FEAR OF WHAT PEOPLE WOULD SAY, AND HOW THEY WOULD REACT. Countless times, this holds people back. If you are sure and have prayed about the next step you want to take, go ahead and take that step. Besides, human beings are so fickle-minded. Today they feel one way about something, and tomorrow it changes. I am not saying ignore words of wisdom and advice from people, all I am saying is, do not let idle talk or negativity keep you down!

2) FEAR OF FAILURE. This has and is still hindering a lot of people from setting out to act and work on their dream. They believe it’s okay to remain where they are because it’s safe, and taking a chance is just too much to handle. And what if it doesn't work they say to themselves. Well I ask and what if it does work? So take a chance. If it fails try again. Don't give up on yourself.

3) EXCUSES, LAZINESS, AND PROCRASTINATION. Stop making excuses. If you need to get something done, get it done, don't spend time talking and making excuses. Don't be lazy about it and don't procrastinate. Do it now and get it over with! 

DON'T DO IT TOMORROW IF YOU CAN DO IT TODAY! TALK LESS AND ACT MORE! HAVE A LOVELY WEEK FRIENDS!

                              OGA AT THE TOP!!!

"Oga at the top",is a catch phrase and/or title that has quickly become popular here among my Nigerian friends and through association, I continue to find myself on the receiving end of this title. This morning my curiosity led me to inquire on the exact meaning and origin of this phrase. Oga (stress on the "a") I was told, is an Igbo word that is used mostly informally to address an owner, leader or 'person in charge’. Having learnt part of the theory I decided to apply the phrase myself ,but quickly discovered that ladies aren't so welcoming to the idea of being addressed in that way.:).:):)

"Oga at the top», though not yet a cliche is used by different people, in different situations to mean different things yet in all its dynamics, remains unanimous to the masculine gender. Interesting isn't it?

When I first started dating my fiance  I would unknowingly irritate her with endless inquiries on her personality, character, upbringing and life in general. Not too long afterwards, the tables turned and I started to answer questions mostly about what I am doing, where I am going and what my plan is until she caught me completely off guard one day when she suddenly switched to "where are we going?" and "what is OUR plan??" It freaked me out then, because like many men out there I was yet to understand that asking such questions comes NATURALLY as part of our God-given instincts. Men with their "leader and provider" instincts, ask the questions they do because they need to know whether or not the lady has the qualities and abilities to help them get where they are going while women naturally need to know the plan in order to see how they can be of help. The lack or absence of a plan or answer is what frustrates a lot of women today and it is this frustration that has given birth to various feminist ideas and theories that have to a large extent transformed and redefined Gods original plan for a man-woman union.

As usual I prefer to look at the source of the problem and not the result. We know where we have fallen but where did we slip? The issue is we have so many "ogas" but very few have taken their place at the top of things. A lot of us have simply been given the title but have not TAKEN it. In other words, we don't want to lead yet expect to be followed! In many relationships, especially here in this country, I've noticed how the women are usually the smarter, more spiritually oriented and goal-driven half, while in some marriages you find the woman is the spiritual leader, financial provider and general problem-solver of the home. In these situations, although the woman is clearly leading, a man's dignity and natural instincts simply cannot allow him to submit and be a follower. As a result, we end up with two «leaders" with two different plans, two different visions and a whole lot of confusion and chaos.

As a man you need to constantly ask yourself "Am I the spiritual leader?" "Do I have a solid plan and direction?" "Am I setting the bar high enough?" "Do I have the wisdom to solve and get through the various obstacles that may arise?" "Am I just giving instructions or leading by example?" "Am I really The OGA AT THE TOP??"

If not then what are you doing about it?

BY MWEUSHI ALLAM MPHANDE.

                                MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL.

The phrase mirror mirror on the wall, is gotten from the cartoon snow white, as we all know.  The truth about the mirror is, most people need the mirror to reflect what their image look like. To see if you are beautiful or if you look ramshackle. So I guess we all need a mirror from time to time.

Now the mirror on the wall, in your purse, hand bag, car, or where ever can only reflect your outward image. Now the inner mirror is what most people have no idea about. Most people do not pay attention to the image inside. The truth is, what you have on the inside always has a way of finding its way out.

And I strongly believe that, the inner image reflects what you would eventually see on the mirror. There are so many examples I could sight, but here are a few. A young lady who feels she is not beautiful enough, it starts from the inside. That is what she thinks so it’s a thought, and then she stays away from pictures or hanging around beautiful girls. This girl has insecurities on the inside, but it comfortably finds its way out and dictates how she acts. Another example would be a man who probably has little money, and really loves a girl who is wealthy. He feels from the inside that he is not good enough for this girl. So when he tries to talk to her that just automatically reflects in his composure and action. I could go on and on with many more examples but here is what to do.

Instead of spending so much time on the outward mirror that reflects your outward image, spend a lot of time with your inner man. Yes that’s what I call him. The inner man needs a lot of work. Sometimes I stand in front of the mirror and tell my inner man, you are beautiful, you have to keep going, you have a lot to offer to the world, you deserve the best. And when the inner man believes all of this, the man on the outside immediately reflects this, and everyone else buys it and respects it.

If you think you are not good enough, beautiful enough, it would reflect and that is what everyone would accept, because it is what you reflect. If you have so much anger and hate on the inside, that is what you would reflect. I believe every life is a reflection of what they have on the inside which eventually projects itself. The question is what do you have inside of you? Is it hatred, jealousy, pride, lust, or love, happiness, compassion?  Be careful with what you let in, and what you accommodate inside, because it would always project and reflect on the outside. Your life is a mirror that reflects the image on the inside and projects it out.  Forget about the mirror on the wall once in a while, and deal with your inner man, that way, when you look into the mirror on the wall, you will like what you see!!  We all have fears and insecurities, but your insecurities and fear is not who you are! Discover and uncover the inner man inside of you, he is stronger than you think!

Have a lovely weekend friends J

                                      HEAVY BAGGAGE FROM THE PAST!!

The bible says in 1 Corinthians 10; 13 that God will not place on you more than you can bear. In order words, everything you go through, you are well equipped to come out of it, if you are in line with God.  But the very painful thing about we humans unfortunately is, we take up some personal burdens and baggage’s that God has not placed on us and just go through life suffering in pain and distress. Yes I said it; we take on extra luggage’s of problems, pain, sorrow, anger, strife, malice, jealousy,  envy, hatred, and the list goes on. We keep carrying these heavy loads from the past to present. And for some people into the future if care is not taken.

Now imagine you are going on a very long journey, which is stressful enough on its own, and a very hefty man offers to carry all your luggage’s for you to make the journey comfortable and bearable, but you sternly insist on carrying all the heavy boxes yourself.  Refusing the help would not just slow you down; you will be exhausted and frustrated when you realize the difficulty in carrying these boxes yourself without the help of that man.

This reminds me of high school. I’m sure those of you reading this who attended Gray’s International College Kaduna, would remember the villagers who were always willing to carry your very heavy boxes stuffed with provisions to the front of your hostel, if you were willing to give them 10 -50 Naira then. And there were times I decided to drag my box myself, and it would be so tiring, or id call on a few friends to help to make it easier.  This applies to our relationship with God. He wants to make the burden so light and the journey worthwhile. He says give me the boxes, I am more than capable to carry them, in fact I have paid those boys to carry the boxes for you. I paid with the highest currency so you will not have to pay or carry these boxes alone. But many people are still chief box carriers.

Some people have boxes they have been carrying from the past. They refuse to activate the help God has given freely to all of mankind. You see the most common box we carry is called unforgiveness. A lot of people carry this very heavy box for ages, their backs are sore and wounded from the weight. But they cannot just imagine or find a good reason why they should put the box down. The box contains anger, hatred, revenge, regrets, sorrow and pains.  Prize you say it like forgiveness is easy, well I think it’s a lot easier than carrying such a heavy box of unforgiveness for days, months and even years.  It may be painful getting the box to the floor, but you would breathe a sigh of relief once it’s off your shoulders.

Do you know what he did to us? Do you know how he/she hurt me? Do you know I trusted him/her? I would have never done this to them. He abandoned us, or they do not deserve to be forgiven. Some even say “I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU”, “I WILL NEVER FORGET”, “I WILL NEVER LET THIS GO”. And it’s so amazing and shocking to me. Because although God is willing to forgive us and take the heavy load, he says the price you must pay is to forgive as I have forgiven you. I will forgive you as you forgive others. So many people would be shocked on the last day. They would claim they forgave. God would reply well yes you claimed to. But the Lord’s Prayer you always recited right from childhood stated. “FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES, AS WE FORGIVE THOSE WHO TRESPASS AGAINST US”. Then he will say to mister A, you forgave but never forgot, so I never forgot your own sin, because you refused to forgive completely.  He would say to mister B, you plainly refused to forgive and let it go, so I could not forgive you as well even though I really wanted to.

Many of us have so many boxes we have carried from the past that is hindering us presently and would hinder the future. Why not give up these boxes, refuse the chains of anger, malice and unforgiveness, and be free from it with the power of God. Like  1 Corinthians 10; 13 says, he has allowed that situation because he knows you are well able and capable of forgiving and letting it go. Are you willing to let it go? Forgive even when they have refused to see their fault or apologize. Forgive even if it hurts. You cannot afford to keep carrying heavy boxes at the expense of your life! LEAVE ALL THE BAGGAGE'S IN THE PAST! WITH THE HELP OF GOD, YOU WILL BE FREE FROM THAT BURDEN IN JESUS NAME!!

                  GALLANT MAN: UNFASHIONABLE, OR ADMIRABLE?

 Nowadays the idea of gallantry is considered outdated and boring. The thought of opening doors, carrying heavy stuff, looking, speaking and behaving in a decent manner has become more of a personal choice than a mandate .It is considered more of ancient tradition or a romantic notion than a necessity in modern culture.

The proof to my conclusion begins with the fact that over 60% of men or women reading this had no idea what the word meant before today.To be gallant means to show special care and respect toward women. It is also defined as the display of dignity or nobility. The word gallant describes the ideal, authentic Man.

I spent most of my childhood in Botswana, where tradition expects you to greet and be ready to help any elderly person you meet on the street, be it a relative, a mere acquaintance or a complete stranger but how many of us do that today? How many men are ready and willing to be a blessing to a younger lady without seeking "rewards" or "benefits" in return? How many young men look at the peers as their own sisters? How many men can honestly say that their wife is the sole receiver of their intimate and passionate looks?

The truth is we have very few gallant men left and in my opinion, the reason is not that it's out of style, but rather an uphill challenge, that few men are willing to accept. I believe that every rise or fall begins with one step, followed by another step and so on, eventually leading to one’s prosperity or demise. For many men these days, it all begins with a look. A simple glance that society has lead us to believe is of no consequence, has reduced many men to loaves of bread. Recently, I began to feel otherwise and no it wasn't because of the 'slow fade ' track by casting crowns. I got engaged not too long ago but even before then, I'd fill up with rage whenever I caught a man gazing or staring my fiance up and down, not to talk of how overprotective I am of my fourteen year old sister as i'm sure most of us are or would be. So why should you gaze upon women? Doesn't that make you look silly or sophomoric? You are not an animal, you are a man! How about having some dignity and respect and learning to bounce your eyes away?

How about learning to acknowledge the fact that you are married or in a serious commitment whenever you meet someone new? What happened to opening the door, carrying her bags and standing up to greet her? A gallant man can never lay his hands on a woman, use crass language or speak in harsh tones. In the bible, Jesus equates looking "just looking" to adultery. This is a harsh reality in our society today as you cannot go anywhere without being exposed to cleavage and other body parts. I understand that this may seem next to impossible, and well above the norm of modern society, however it is an attainable goal and a worthy challenge. Question is, Will you accept the challenge? 

                                                                                  BY MWEUSHI ALLAM MPHANDE.

WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT?

Many times in life, we find ourselves worrying about things that should not matter, things not worth our time, energy and attention. We get distracted by what is going on in someone else's life. Why do people talk bad about me? Why don't they like me? Why is she dating that guy? Have you heard he is gay? She is pregnant, and generally the opinion of others. Worrying is now a way of life for many people. Holding many down in its clutches and chains, it becomes almost impossible to move forward or think ahead.

It’s obvious that in our present time, a lot of people spend more time worrying about something that they do close to nothing about making it better. People worry about what to wear, how they look, the government, the educational system, the way the church is; they talk about it, complain about it, but hardly are willing to put in work to change it. There is something I would like to refer to as the worst type of worry. Cause weather you believe it or not, worrying is now a normal thing to a lot of people. The worst type of worry or worriers, are those who leave their own personal worries and take on other people’s problems, just to feel good about themselves. That man cheats on his wife, while their own husband hardly comes home or speaks to them. Or did you hear? Mrs. A's son has gotten someone pregnant. They delight in the worries and problems of other people, because it is a temporary escape from theirs/ 

Another very terrible thing about worry is, it's always focused on the negative. Will I pass these exams? All my friends are married. When will God bless me with children? Why is my case always different? Worrying takes you farther away from the solution than you were. It keeps you very busy and occupied with nothing to show for all the time spent on it. 

Another aspect of worry is, those who are scared to pursue a dream or goal, because they are worried about what people would think, worried about how to start, instead of just going ahead to start, worried about what others would say, worried about if it would be a success or failure. After all of this worrying, the dream dies. There are also those who keep sowing seeds of worry in others. Sometimes some people don't even know they plant seeds of doubt and worry in others. Because worrying is their daily routine. So when you ask for their advice or opinion, they just easily and naturally sow doubt and worry into your heart. Someone once said to me, prize you have so much potential and so many wonderful ideas, but I’ve noticed that when you say you are going to do something, by the next day or the next week, you stop talking about it. You start talking about something else. And when I prayed and taught about it, I realized how worrying has killed so many dreams of mine, and is still killing many people’s dreams and goals. People are always worried that this is not the perfect time. Worry would show you the impossibilities, worry discourages, and worry keeps you stationed on a spot. Worry makes others your primary focus, it makes negative opinions your focus, and the truth is you cannot be focused on two things at the same time. Focusing on others or problems, takes the focus off you.

Another very common one is, worrying for tomorrow; some people even fast forward their worries, while they have not even exhausted the worries of today. Matthew 6; 34 says do not worry about tomorrow. Matthew 6; 25-34 reminds us not to worry about what to eat wear etc. I am not saying don't make plans, I am just saying, DO NOT WORRY!! WORK! DO NOT LET YOUR WORRIES KEEP YOU DOWN, WORK YOUR WAY TO WHERE YOU KNOW GOD WANTS YOU TO BE!! THE SKY IS YOUR STEPPING STONE! Have a lovely weekend everyone!

"SEXY AND HOT/ BEAUTY AND MODESTY"

Lately its so so so confusing to know what the right thing to do is in such a world where everything that should be wrong is now the new normal. Its so challenging to stay focused. But with the help of God it is possible. If you fall get back up again. This post is for my lady friends out there. You know most of us get carried away with the foolishness of the world. The latest fashion, lipstick, shoes, what is in vogue and all what not, we hardly and barely know what our purpose here on earth is. We listen to men who do not have the fear of God in their hearts because we are convinced that its better to listen to them cause the ones who claim to have the fear of God in their hearts are not different. So the question now is who should you listen to? Who should you please in the way you act and conduct yourself? Iv heard guys say, i like it when a lady shows her cleavage. At least to make her package look nice. And i'm like wow so its probably what drives some ladies to do it. Other's do this because they see all the other ladies doing it, and because it is what is in vogue.


There is also the feeling of wanting to look "HOT" and "SEXY". A lady thinks if i don't dress in this manner how will they know i'm "HOT"? And you see a lot of girls killing themselves in the gym trying to get the right shape, just so they can be called sexy. Not even working out just to be healthy and fit. No its all about getting the perfect look and shape.

We wear all this make up because we don't think we are "SEXY" enough. The word beautiful has been traded for "SEXY" "HOT" "THIS GIRL IS ON FIRE" and all those other stuff.

As a young lady, i ask myself, WHAT WOULD THE WORLD BE LIKE WHEN MY CHILD IS BORN? If people wear close to nothing now, maybe nakedness would be the fashion in vogue then.

Sometimes, i wish God can just come so all this madness would end. Cause its so hard living in a world where modesty is not important, where guys want girls to be bad girls. In fact gone are the days when keeping yourself pure is a thing of pride. Now its distasteful to a lot of young men.

Everybody wants to be beyonce and jayz. If the men you hang around take you away from becoming the woman God wants you to be, stay away from them. If your beauty is solely about what you wear and how people look at you, you really don't know why God made you a woman. Those boobs you expose just to be hot, is part of Gods gift to you, its a wonderful package to help differentiate between you and a man, and its also a gift to your child or children. It is not to be shown to everyone who cares to see. Your body is God's best architectural structure. He created everything, put adam to sleep, just to make the perfect structure . Adam confirmed it when he woke up. That was the best thing he had seen. We have a very shallow understanding of why we are women. In the past it would be a great complement if someone says you are very hot. Now if someone says that to me, that dress is going down to room wear only. If the men don't know how much God loves Holiness, we need to remind them.


Cherish the man who would tell you to go in and change into something modest not because of his selfish, and manipulating attitude. But because he fears God and knows that you are beautiful without all that foolishness. You can look really good and still be modest. Its about balance and caring enough about the men who see you in that outfit and not wanting them to end up in lustful thoughts just because you were careless, or even intentionally wanted the attention.


Are you confused lately? Do you feel like you are not strong enough to overcome the temptations of this world? And you are ready to give in, please don't. Its very hard to be the one saying i'l stick to what is right. Especially when everyone is just waiting for you to fall back. Even if you fall, get up again. Your mistakes, and ignorance cannot define who you are. I believe there is more God has deposited in a woman that goes beyond sexuality and sensuality. And the best way to know and discover what these things are is to walk with God. Let him mold you and change you. And to the men out there who still have the fear of God, be bold enough to tell a lady politely to dress up well. Don't keep quiet and lust after her in your thoughts. And don't go condemning her behind her back. Tell her to help you by dressing modestly. Because its hard to concentrate with all her boobs flashing you in the face and her very pretty legs and extra tight skirt. Not to add the latest transparent shirts. Appreciate the people who are bold enough to tell you to dress well politely. Don't go trying to force people. Do it with and in love. Have a great weekend everyone!!