TWO DECADES AND A HALF

ME AT 25

So just like that I am 25. Honestly it feels quite amazing and unbelievable at the same time. I am super blessed and grateful for so much. And God has absolutely blown my mind away with his unending love and care towards me since I was a child.

Growing up, I was sort of stubborn and kind of all over the place, but even at that tender age, God was never far away. I knew who he was but was not so sure what to do with my relationship with him. So God was just this abstract person my parents had told me about and who we are to pray to and ask for help and all of that. Now you see life wasn’t always so perfect for me and my family, we have been through some very serious tough times that you would never believe till we open our mouths to tell you. So the first thing I discovered in my Christian walk was prayer at a very tender age. I had to learn to tell God to provide school fees, I had to pray for my parents, and I had to pray for provision. So prayer was the first thing I learnt.

I got into boarding school and well that was when God began to shape and mold me into the woman he wants me to be. Just like everyone else, I had my first serious crush hehe. He was a serious catch back then oh, and it was me he liked out of all the girls in the school. I sort of knew he liked me but trust a Lagos baby like me to do small yanga. I liked him but I had to front a bit. I liked the fact that he could sing, was super intelligent, and was pretty much my family friend. So this was perfect. In mind head this would be my husband in the very distant future and we would have a big house with lots of kids. Em don't blame my small mind, I grew up with 5 siblings so it was always fun and drama. Little did I know that life was not that simple. The devil was not only that black man with two horns, he could sometimes manifest as that pretty girl who wants nothing else but your man. Covers face and runs away. There were a lot of things my little mind could not understand back then, like how can one want what already belongs to someone else and why should you get confused as to what you want because of distractions. From the sound of it, I am sure you have already guessed it. I got my first heart break and I cried for one whole day secretly on my bed. No one was worth seeing my tears and I discovered the magic tool of malice. I smiled when everyone was there, but will not talk to him when no one was there. This was my first lesson about making plans. We can picture our lives and even tell God who should play certain roles but God knows best and he knows that sometimes where you think will be the perfect bus stop, is just a path leading to your destination. Through my first heart break, I learnt that well life is not perfect all the time and people make mistakes. Wise people learn and grow from their mistakes so never hold it agaist them forever.

Moving forward I still had a picture of how my life should go. I would get into the university, acquire my law degree, I should be give or take 22 at this time, and of course I will meet a nice man (tall, dark, handsome, God fearing, kind, funny, just name it), who will be ready to marry me after NYSC. We will have the cutest babies and live happily ever after, Hehe for my mind. If things had gone according to my plan, the interesting stories I am about to tell you and all the lessons and wisdom I have gotten through those situations will be lacking. And I honestly would not have discovered my purpose. So please get your popcorn and milk shake as I take you on a cruise to what led me to this amazing time of my life. Keep in mind that I can laugh and talk about most of it now, but some of it was really not funny when it happened.

I got out of high school with pretty awesome grades. But trust Naija to ruin my plans by not admitting students into the school I applied to that year. I wondered how it was my fault that they had a backlog of students and now I will have to be at home for one whole year since Covenant University did not have a law department at that time. This was a very sad time for me. I was so depressed and angry. I would watch movies all night, sleep all morning and afternoon, dash to the bathroom when I hear my mom’s car horn, and of course will not cook or eat anything.  My mom noticed how grumpy I was and she gave me a pep talk. She did not scold me, she just reminded me that I was not the first to stay at home for a year. Sharon my immediate elder sister now of blessed memory also did not get in immediately for similar reasons. But the difference is, she made the best use of her one year at home. She was so instrumental in the church and at home that when she was going to school, mom did not have to buy much, as people were moved to give this and that because they wanted to key into the anointing in Sharon’s life for their children. I mean pots, plates, and many other things were given to Sharon along with lots of prayers and encouragement. I thought about my life and what I want it to look like. I decided Sharon's story was the motivation I needed. The next morning I was up and I became the chief cleaner, chief cook, chief toilet cleaner and madam church.  My own even went beyond because Sharon was just involved with the teenagers in our little parish in kubwa, but me I decided to join the teenage ministry not just in my church but in the whole of Abuja. This was where I served happily and trusted God for my own big miracle, since most of my high school friends were already in school. I was also the dance instructor for the children’s church, and assistant dance director at the regional teenage church.

WHEN I WON MISS NIGERIA IN RUSSIA

I told my mom that I really had a desire to study abroad. I knew that it sounded selfish with just one person in a federal university and the rest in private schools. My parents were already working so hard to keep things together. And here I was dreaming of schooling abroad. My mom did not scold me, she just told me let us say a prayer of agreement. We said the prayer, and she told me to join her at the church prayers from 12am till 1am. I accepted her offer happily. We are a praying family. The pastor told us to bring our requests and drop them in the offering basket before the alter. I brought my request and told God I wanted to study abroad. My mom told my dad about it and he spoke to my aunt and told her about my good result.  I applied for a scholarship and with the help of God and my lovely aunty who told us about the scholarship and was super instrumental, I was given admission to go and study law in faraway Russia. My mom began to get cold feet, and was worried if her 17 year old who had never travelled by herself in Nigeria could go all the way to Russia. I told her not to worry so much, we prayed for this and now it is finally here. University of Ilorin made it easy for me to leave as that year they decided to give me admission but to study History. I made up my mind to go to Russia and study law. Can you imagine those people history? When since I could talk all I heard about was how I would be a great lawyer and I sort of also knew that is what I would want to do. Anyway I got to Russia and I thought it would be like all the nice American college movies I had seen. But I got the shocker of my life. My hostel was not nice oh. And if you see the kind cold wey catch person, asin no be here oh. To add pepper to injury, the room I was given had a cracked window. So I pretty much stayed with my friend till I got a new room. I was such a young girl who was well protected at home and was always in a sanitized environment. Growing up as a pastor’s child, I had only seen alcohol on tv and never been around anyone smoking a cigarette. But thanks to my Russian experience, I was able to see life in a different way. I learnt that people are different and not everyone shares your views on life. It is not your job to judge anyone, but to encourage people lovingly to strive to be better.

I learnt so much about myself and about other people in Russia. I learnt that I was capable of making big mistakes and small mistakes alike. Little did I know that this was where God was going to break and remold me into the woman he wants me to be. My dad gave me specific instructions. He told me that when I land in the airport and my feet hit the floor, I should speak to the land. He told me what I should say, and I wrote it down in a small jotter. I remember some of it and at first I was shy because everyone else was taking pictures and talking to new friends. I brought out my jotter and I was a little shy, but I began to speak to the land, Russia you will favor me, I will accomplish my aim here, I am Gods ambassador here in Russia, this land will not swallow or burry me, I will shine forth as a light and be a salt. When my dad told me to say these things, it felt like a joke. Little did I know that those declarations and prayers will be what will be the foundation for my six years in Russia which to me is now my second home. I was told how the people are racists and how Africans never achieve much. But there was one guy who told me to shun all of that and focus on my goals. Honestly it was really challenging having to learn a new language and study law in a language I learnt for just six months. But with God’s help, encouragement from my family and determination, I was able to scale through.

WHEN I WENT ON A DATE WITH GOD. YEAH I SOUND CRAZY.

    I joined the local church where most of the African students worshiped called Salvation Army. It was very different from what I was accustomed to and was not as loud as our Pentecostal churches. At this church I learnt about sanctification, I learnt about Gods love, I practically learnt what it truly means to love God and serve him. Now all I learnt happened through some really painful experiences which I am now grateful for. In the first 6 months of my stay in Russia, I kept asking God why it was Russia he sent me to, and he told me I was never specific with my request. I told him I wanted to school abroad and he made it possible by granting me a scholarship that many people wish for. From this point on, I became thankful for the opportunity and decided to make the best use of it. I still believe this scholarship was Gods way of rewarding me for that one year service in my teenage church.

    In my first year I met this boy who was a year my junior in school and we became friends. He would call me about the youth ministry and invite me for the programs. I was totally indifferent about the youth church before he came. But well I decided to attend it and see what it is all about. We began to talk a lot and I told him to make sure he is not using church to try to get close to me, he should just come as he really is. To cut the very long story short, we began to like each other and well things progressed. He was a nice young boy but was really not ready to lead. I was also a nice young girl but I also had a lot to learn and unlearn about what a relationship should really be. Maybe one day I will be able to talk freely about some of the very painful lessons I learnt from this on and off relationship that even led to an engagement in front of the whole church. I really did not want anything loud but he wanted it so I just went with it. I knew deep down in me that he could not lead me and the relationship was not even honoring God, but I stayed in it because I did not want to deal with side talks, or people laughing at me.

ME AT 25

I remember waking my dad up from sleep and crying so hard, he had to call my younger sister who started crying when she heard me crying. My dad just let me cry and when I got myself together, I did not even have to explain but he sort of just knew what I was feeling. And he told me, prize you are a beautiful girl, God will send someone else, and he will use all that you have been through to bless many young girls and even women around the world. I felt better after talking to my dad. But I began to think back and I realized that I made up this plans and I wanted my life to go in the direction I wanted. I wanted to be engaged in my third year and it happened. I wanted to be married by at least 22 or 23. Thank God that did not happen. This heart break and some other experiences thought me to throw my plans out the window and learn to start trusting God and follow his lead. This was where I realized I had a lot to learn about submission and what God even expects in a relationship or marriage.  The ultimate purpose of anything is to bring glory to God and that includes marriages, courtships, relationships, and friendships. My first step in trusting God began with a question in my heart. The question was, if God is all you ever have, will he be enough for you? If you never have so much money, a husband, kids or the best job, will you still stick with God? The honest truth is this question showed me my heart and how I had been treating God in the past. God was someone I asked for things and not really someone I loved back as much as he loved me. I still could not answer that question sincerely but I made up my mind to love God back with all my strength. And the more I loved God, the more I realized he is all I need and every other thing is just an addition. I would tell God how I was feeling, I would talk to him about my plans, spend time praying and studying the word. I left the choir and was not involved in any church department, because I just wanted to practice obedience to Gods word and grow deeper in love with him. Of course people were talking and some even wondering why I had backslided but little did they know that when I was even serving and active in so many departments, I was drowning and crying out to God to save me. He tried many times to get me out of that relationship but I kept going back to it, but what hit me was when I lost my sister and I asked myself where will you end up if you died today. That gave me the courage to walk away and not look back. Walking away was good, but the type of loneliness that followed was super intense. I had to constantly fill myself up with the word of God. And the good thing about the whole heart break was it helped me realize what I want and what I will never settle for. All of a sudden I understood my worth in Christ and that life is not meant to be endured but enjoyed. You really do not have to manage a bad relationship, you really do not have to stay and manage toxic friendships, and there is so much freedom and joy on the other side of your obedience and trust in God.

GRADUATION!!

Being single again was so liberating, I remember telling God how I sort of missed going out on dates. And that gentle voice inside of me said well I have been waiting for you to give me a chance to date you and show you what real love looks like. And I was really confused, I asked God, how do you want to date me, and that voice said, prize dress up really nicely, look really good, dress up for me, go to a nice restaurant, and eat and spend time with the word which you like to read on your Ipad. I got up, freshened up, looked super-HOT and told my bestie I was going on a date. She looked at me and asked with whom? And I told her with a secrete admirer lol. I went out to my favorite spot, had the best meal and just thought of how good God has been. And I realized how much God loves me and cares about the tiniest details of my life. And after that experience and a taste of the love of God, I told God if he was all I ever had, he would be all I ever need. And if he ever decided to give me someone who would love me, I wanted someone who would protect my crown and lead me closer to God and not farther away from him. Believe me after I got to the point of God being all I ever need, the blessings just kept rolling in. I was crowned the first ever Miss Nigeria in Russia, I graduated with my bachelors and masters degrees, and so many more blessings I am not going to talk about just yet. Am I saying tough times don't come, absolutely not! But when they come I hold on to God and I remember he loves me dearly and tough times will pass, tough times are really not to punish us but to grow us and maybe move us directly into Gods purpose for us if we have stepped out of it.

ME AT 25

I am 25 and super thankful for how everything in my life has played out till this point. I have learnt to place Gods plans ahead of mine and trust his will because he knows what is best for me. He knows where I will be years from now, he knows who I will marry, he knows where I will work, he knows who should be in my life and who should not, he knows every little thing about me and my job is to trust him and follow his lead. Now the reason for this post is to remind you to trust God. Don't compare your life to other people. Life is not a competition. You see that your age mate, who is already married with kids, does not mean you are a failure or that you are late. It just means that God has a different plan for you. The fact that some of your friends are already working and you are in school does not mean you are late or a failure it just means God is taking you through a different route. You look small when you place yourself side by side with other people, or you end up with pride feeling that you are better or have achieved more than others. Our ultimate purpose in life should be to fulfill Gods plans and purpose for our lives. So I am happily unmarried, happily still in school, happily walking in line with Gods purpose for my life, happily happy that God interrupted my plans and is constantly leading and teaching me. I am 25 years old and grateful for all the moments that led me here, the good moments and not so good moments. I am celebrating my life and the goodness of God in my life. Cheers to living life Gods way!

                             

                   WHAT IT MEANS TO TRUST GOD.

         I have always been the type to plan everything out and hope everything works out the way I planned. I never liked surprises except its very pleasant/ But even at that, I preferred to know what would happen and how things will turn out. But unfortunately, the human mind is too small to know what lies ahead. Hence the need to trust in a more supreme and all knowing being (GOD).

         The honest truth is trusting God is not as easy as claiming and saying we trust him. Especially when it seems like he is not answering a prayer, or giving us the miracle we are so desperate for. I got to a point in 2013 where I had absolutely no trust in God. My sister was battling with cancer and all our prayers, fasting, begging and pleading seemed not to yield any results. I kept thinking maybe we were being punished. I had never seen someone go through so much pain. I cried a lot, I could not sleep, and whenever I got a call from home I went into panic mode cause I had lost my trust in God and in the process I lost my peace of mind. My mind became an open ground for the enemy. Fear, worry and depression took over. I was not even able to go to church any more because to me God could not do anything about the situation. But I was actually wrong.
            I really did not know that as christian's, we will go through trials. I just felt that God was meant to give us what we want when we ask. Especially if we are trying our very best to live lives pleasing to him. But when I got home my sisters faith in God opened my eyes. She was still serving God through the pain. And then I wondered why I was so mad at God when my health was still intact. I realized I had been loving God for what I could get from him and for what he could do for me and my family. But my sister was loving God simply because he is God. She was loving him even while her organs were shutting down. Watching her made me realize that trusting God is something we choose to do. And trials are a test of ones faith and trust in God. Sometimes we may not understand God's decision, but we have to keep trusting him.
            I looked closely at the life and Jesus and I realized that even He was not without trials. And just like the rest of us he asked God to let the cup pass over him, but if it wont then let Gods will be done. Trials really do make you stronger if you continue to trust in God. A friend of mine told me something, he said prize we live life forward and understand it backwards, The truth is if God allowed us know everything, there will be no need to trust him. And we will not want to go through trials which will actually help us grow, When you loose a loved one, you appreciate the gift of life better, When you fall sick and recover, you become thankful for health, When you have failed many times and you eventually succeed, your are more appreciative. When you have been so broke, you appreciate having plenty. The truth is as children of God, we will go through trials, and if we stay in line with God, he will be our peace in the storm and help us come out strong. All the great people mentioned in the bible went through one sort of trial or the other, The one that stands out or the most popular one is the story of job. Even after he lost every thing he had, he still had his trust in God and God was very proud of him. But that's not the high light of that story for me, the high light is that God actually trusted Job also and could brag about him. God knew that no matter what Job would go through, his love and trust in him will remain.
           So my conclusion is that when our love for God is solely based on what he has to offer us, our trust will easily be shaken. But when our love for God becomes unconditional, we will trust him when we get what we want and when we don't/ We will trust him simply because He is God. 

          CHRONICLES OF A PASTOR'S KID. TRUTH AND TRANSPARENCY. 



Being a preacher's kid was really stressful for me growing up. I did not like it at all because people just seemed to expect perfection from us. Like omg you have a boyfriend? Oh wow you spoke to someone during a test? So you want to dance and shake your butt at social night and you are a pastors kid. It felt like one could not be themselves, And you had to create this fake personality to match what people expected you to look like. And no matter how hard you tried, it just wasn't good enough. 

I remember being sort of a tom boy. I am still sort of tom boyish in some ways. But it was more comfortable to wear trousers. And I remember my mum saying no you should not wear it you are a pastors child and other people look up to you. I hated it with all of my energy. I had to hide to listen to circular songs, its like it was totally not okay to be yourself. Now of course my parents began to learn as time went on that we needed to grow into real and honest kids so they changed their approach to things :) . But somewhere in my foundation, just because people were always expecting perfection from me, I began to feel like I had to be this little perfect princess. What was even worse is I had an immediate elder sister (sharon rip) who fit more naturally into the whole preachers kid image. And I would get compared to her a lot. The funny part though is those expecting perfection from you and placing such high demands on you are not even willing to live up to such standards. They expect you to do it just because you are the pastors kid. Their own kids could be doing a lot and getting away with it, but some how the pastors kids should be robots without feelings who just automatically have no sinful nature and should be perfect little angels who are not allowed to make mistakes like everyone else. God forbid that you use a curse word or loose your temper. bla bla bla. 

At the times when people my age were doing certain things, I would have to hide myself while doing it, and pretend I did not want to try it. My love for God was not genuine it was like a law forced down my throat. I remember being the choir leader in high school and some girl said wow you look like you would marry a pastor and right there I said never!! It's bad enough that I have to keep hiding, and have to keep faking perfection, then you want me to marry a pastor and become the mama of the church and be condemned to more judgement and not be free to grow at my own pace. I was like no never! And just because I had grown accustomed to people expecting me to know better or act better, every time I made a mistake, I would hide it. I actually began to feel like it is my responsibility to be perfect And the burden of constantly keeping my reality hidden was really eating me up. I was tired of having to act perfect, like I come from a perfect little sanctified family and like I had no struggles. I got to a point in my walk with God where I had to first of all be honest with God and stop all the acting. I realized God knew me better than anyone else did. And his love for me was unconditional. I remember crying so much in my room when I realized God loves me no matter what. Even when I made mistakes, and everyone was acting like I had killed Jesus christ the second time. And just understanding Gods love helped me to be honest with God. I would tell God exactly how I was feeling about a certain thing. And will even report myself whenever I messed up. Being honest with God helped me to be honest with myself, and gradually I was honest about my reality. I was no longer bound by the fear of how people will see me, or what they would say about me. I wanted my walk with God to be real every step of the way. If I was struggling like every one else, I will admit it, if I was falling I would admit it. 

I was done playing church. You know sometimes as Christians, we turn into actors and are not real with ourselves. We lie about who we really are. We are sometimes so critical and judgmental and expect perfection from people. But the truth is if we all  attain perfection, we will have no need for God. At every stage and every point in our lives and our walk with God, there is always going to be more to learn, and more room for growth. So it is absolutely wrong to expect everyone to grow at the same pace, and to think you have the right to direct the course of another persons life. To do that you will need to get your license by dying on a cross. The truth is while you are busy trying to pretend and act like you are so born again, it is so much better to acknowledge that you are not. And that is okay because  we have God's grace. It is not okay to stay comfortable in a lie. It is not okay to stay comfortable in sin. But one has to get over the self righteous high horse they are on and realize that Gods opinion of them is what really counts. God is the one you should be trying to please, he is the only one who you should fear. We live in a world where people prefer the pretentious version of you not the true you. which means a lie is now more appealing than the truth, and the bible says the truth is what will set you free. Jesus is the way, the TRUTH and the life. We need to get back to a place of truth and transparency. John 14;6. To deal with God, you have to come truthfully not with a mask. 

Now when I feel like I am not perfect, I remind myself that God is taking me through a process. He can change me up in a second but what good would that be if I don't go through the process, and learn the lessons? The fruits of Gods spirit needs to develop in me cause I have a sinful nature just like everyone else. And it will take a lot of work, faith and grace to get me there. At the end of the day, we are all just imperfect people working towards perfection. 


Dear God I thought the only way you could use me was if I did everything right, thank you for showing me that my brokenness gave you more to use, not less. I spent so long trying to reject what you were trying to bless, I welcome every battle, and invite every struggle. I know when its over, you'l use every scare I learnt to love. ( Sarah Jakes) 

Dear God I understand that there may be pain in the process, but that pain will lead to ultimate progress and while you navigate through the waters of pain and progress, you will discover your purpose. So I thank you for the process that has gotten me to this point,I thank you for the progress and I thank you for showing me how your grace constantly carries me through. Signed (princess prize.) 

ROSE OF SHARON: INNER BEAUTY...

ROSE OF SHARON:
                                     INNER BEAUTY...:                                      INNER BEAUTY ON FLEEK??? As a young lady in our time, if you do not take time to develop a relati...

                                     INNER BEAUTY ON FLEEK???

As a young lady in our time, if you do not take time to develop a relationship with God, you will just be like everyone else. Putting so much focus on things that would not last no matter how many plastic surgeries one gets. If you do not look deep to discover all that God has placed inside of you. you will be so focused on your outward look, and who is trying to look better than you. Your life is a lot more than just a pretty face and lovely figure. But there is a beauty inside that is ageless and only gets better with time and you need to be connected to God to access it. So stop taking your ques from the world, this world is not going to last for ever. Invest in eternal things. With that said there is nothing wrong with looking good. Take it seriously, but also make sure you take your inward growth and improvement seriously. I always used to wonder why some older women and just women in general go through so much stress, and plastic surgeries to change how they look, or try to cheat nature. One answer came to my mind one day when I was busy worrying about getting older.

You see what you invest in becomes of more value to you. So if outward beauty is the only thing you ever discover about yourself, if it is what you solely rely on, if you spend so much time getting dressed to be admired on the outside but not really for what is inside, when that beauty begins to fade, or a younger woman emerges with young beauty, you will be threatened and do just about any thing to hold on to your looks because that is the only thing you invested in. At first I wondered why women would want bigger, butts, boobs and spend so much on make up. But now I understand. Yes exercise, and do what you can to look good, but do not limit your beauty to how you look on the outside or what the world says is the standard for beauty. Create your own world and make the rules!!  Do not measure how beautiful you are or compare yourself to another woman. Is that not the reason we have people cutting themselves up thinking a bigger butt or boobs will make them happier. You should admire Gods beauty and even compliment it, but you should be content. When I look in the mirror I see God's perfection. Even when my mind wants to tell me I am not good enough, or my make up is not on fleek enough, I remind myself that these things are someones standard of what beauty is but I choose a higher standard. And by that standard I am perfect. So on the days when I have makeup on and the days I don't, I know I am beautiful. On the days I get complimented and the days I don't I know I am beautiful. If kim decides to break the internet or if she doesn;t I know I am beautiful. If I cant afford a mac I wont kill myself to get it because, I know I am beautiful with or without it.

If you create a balance, where you are working on your inner beauty as well as your character, your discipline and self control, your talents, your social skills, your spiritual growth and maturity, your self worth and so much more, you will be doing yourself a favor. You see every woman  has a unique type of outward beauty, but there a few who look even more beautiful outwardly because their inner beauty shines forth from the inside as well. What is the point of a pretty face, when your character is ugly? When you have a sharp and rude tongue?  God has deposited so much in you to only stay focused on just your outward container. You need to make sure that the content in your container is of good quality and that you keep improving like fine wine. Beauty is in different stages, my mum looks older now but she is more beautiful to me now than I ever remember, And I pray one day someone can look beyond my appearance and say you are beautiful. Do not be afraid of the stages, grow and learn and be happy you get to experience a new stage.

When you attain a certain level of maturity and wisdom, you wont see other women as competition, you will appreciate the differences in your body structures, and embrace what you consider flaws.. Yes what you consider flaws because God thinks you are perfect and to die for, that's why we have the cross to remind us. Oh yes I love to look good, but I always remind myself that looking good goes beyond how I look on the outside. And compliments do not define me and neither does negativity. I get my validation from the word of God. I am fearfully and wonderfully made and so are you.  And please do not be so careless with how you look on the outside. That s why I spoke about a balance. Look neat, put your hair together properly, Apply make up if you choose to, let everything be done decently and moderately

What do you have apart from your outward beauty? Has your inner beauty improved? Be more than just a pretty face!! PEOPLE WHO SHINE FROM WITHIN DONT NEED THE SPOT LIGHT, THEY ARE THE SPOT LIGHT!! SHINE SHINE SHINE!!

ROSE OF SHARON: DOUBLE LIFE STANDARDS. ...

ROSE OF SHARON:                         DOUBLE  LIFE  STANDARDS.
...:                          DOUBLE   LIFE  STANDARDS.            A lot of people carry the title "CHRISTIAN" But are not wil...

                        DOUBLE  LIFE  STANDARDS.
 

         A lot of people carry the title "CHRISTIAN" But are not willing enough to bear the burden of what it really truly means to be "CHRIST LIKE". I have noticed that most times, people will rather just have the title and leave the work that follows alone because it takes so much to really be like Christ, especially in the sinful world we live in today. So many people live double lives. They go to church, listen to what the preacher says, and then they leave church saying the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak, may God have mercy and may his grace cover us. They choose to be lazy over working hard to die to their flesh.

        People hide their flaws and struggles for the fear of being judged. No one wants to admit that they are battling with pornography, no one wants to admit that they have fallen into fornication, no one wants to admit that they struggling with lust. No one testifies about God delivering them from masturbation, no one says God saved me from a bad relationship that was leading me straight to hell. Everyone comes around with a mask hiding who they really are. Too proud to admit that they need help, too scared to talk about their sinful nature for fear of being judged, too weak to fight the battle alone, too broken to try to pick up the pieces. The preacher is not telling them how to deal with the evil going on in their hearts. How can I win this battle over my sinful nature? The shackles of sin seem stronger than the power of God to deliver, so they stay silent.

        They put on their masks and quietly live a double life. We smile, we worship, we testify about things that have no deep meaning. While deep down we are crying SOMEBODY PLEASE SAVE ME!!! I CANNOT DO THIS ON MY OWN!!  People are so weak they would rather sit comfortably in sin than fight. It is easier to put up a front as blessed and sanctified than to open up and say I am a sinner I need your help lord. You need to SAVE ME FROM MY SELF.

        Just like many of you, I struggled, I wanted to be the best girl God wants me to be. And just like many of you I stumbled to the point where I was broken. I thought I would never climb out. I thought I would never be able to win. But unlike many of you, I never stopped crying out to God. One day while reading my bible, I stumbled upon the phrase "THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE". God already knew I was a sinner, he already knew my struggles, he knew my flaws, he knew I would mess up. But instead of being honest with God, myself and the people around me, I was putting up a front. I was too ashamed to let them see the real me, I was too afraid to disappoint those who felt I was so spiritual I would never fall into sin or make mistakes like many other people. I was too scared to cry out for help. But here I was in my room reporting myself to God again, asking for forgiveness again, being sick and tired of being sick and tired. I cried out Lord!!! SAVE ME FROM MYSELF!!! DRAG ME IF YOU NEED TO BUT DO NOT LET ME DIE IN SIN!! And those words rang in my head THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE. It was the most difficult thing for me to do, to stand in front of the whole church and tell them I was struggling with porn but God will deliver me and anyone else who is struggling. After the words came out, I was like prize why the heck did you just say that, but I needed to say the truth. It did not matter who would look down on me, who would think I am no longer born again, who would point fingers at me. I needed my Freedom and the TRUTH, was the first step to getting it. I told my friend my struggle and where I needed help to get out of my sinful and dysfunctional relationship. I needed to breathe again. I left the choir because I realized God was more interested in my OBEDIENCE THAN MY SACRIFICE. I was looked at funny for leaving the choir. I felt I was mocking God with my double life. And it was time for me to be set free. My pride was not going to get in the way, my fears and worries were not going to get in the way, my feelings and my flesh were not going to get in the way. People’s opinions were also not going to hold me back. It was time for me to be set free!!! Thank God for bold Christian’s like Heather Lindsey who put out their stories and testimonies! Real testimonies of the struggles of the average youths. Struggles of a sinner like me and you. People who are speaking the truth without sugar coating it. Or just spelling out rules and regulations without telling us that they struggled too or how they struggled.

         I would love to tell you it was a smooth process, but it was absolutely not!! I felt God dragging me and beating me up because I asked him to do that if that was what I needed to get out of sin. I had to fight everyday with all I had. I had to give up a lot of friendships that were affecting my walk with God, I had to fight every day. I still fight every day. I had to get to a point where I loved God more than I loved my sin. I got to a point where I really understood how my sins made God feel. I had to understand that in as much as God is a loving and forgiving God, He is a consuming fire who should be feared and reverenced. God worked on me and I was also willing and still willing to put in the work. I wake up ready to fight my flesh daily. It does not matter who thinks you are blessed and sanctified. To men you may be the anointed man or woman of God with a title, but God see's what no one else can see. You may succeed in deceiving your church, your family, and even yourself, but you can never deceive God!! Like me many of you need to take off those masks!! Now!! Cause tomorrow is not promised! You cannot afford to die in your sin!! I have been wanting to do a write up on purity but this has been on my heart. I felt God needed me to put this story out even if it’s so hard for me to. But I know God knows that this would touch the girl, or the boy who thinks purity is impossible.  I made all these silly mistakes, but it’s not about how hard I fell, it’s about how hard I was willing to fight, to get back up. I refused to stay beaten down and defeated. So before I even attempt to tell you purity is possible, I need you to know that I understand the shackles can be broken. But you must cry out in truth to be set free!! And you must be so desperate to die to your flesh. With God it is possible. You will not even understand the amount of peace and joy and God's unending blessings I have been experiencing since I decided to die to my flesh. I am a work in progress claiming my victory every day. YOU NEED TO DECIDE IF YOU ARE READY TO TAKE OF THAT MASK!! AND YES THE TRUTH DID SET ME FREE!!  AND IT WILL ALSO SET YOU FREE!! Feel free to leave comments and questions below. I will answer them. God bless you peeps. J