EPISODE 3 – KNOWING HOW
TO PURSUE.
In our
previous episode, I addressed the ladies on how to become pursuable. In this
episode, I will be addressing the men. I am specifically talking to the good
guys and the laid-back guys, the play boys don’t need my advice except to
change their filthy ways.
So, let’s
get right into it. So many good guys find themselves single for so long but the
play boys are always so forward and quick to take attention away from the good
and laid-back guys.
Here are
some tips on how to pursue a good woman;
- 1 BE COURAGEOUS – When you see a girl
who you like, don't be timid, go and say hello. Forget about if she would look
down on you or if she would be sassy, the real question should be what if she
becomes a really great friend? What if she ends up being my wife? Do not
approach her like someone who is unsure of himself. Say hi to her, give her a
compliment and spark off a conversation. Here is the best way to look at it, it’s
either you allow the fear of rejection eat away at you and paralyze you, or you
tell yourself the worst thing that can happen is she would ignore me and tell
me no. getting rejected is part of life, but that should not stop you from
putting yourself out there. I once heard someone say “the patient dog eats the
fattest bone”, then someone else replied “yes but not in a hundred-meter race”.
It is good to be patient, but it is also good to go for what you want in good
time, because if you don't, the play boy would be there to take her attention,
waste her time and leave her sad and dejected. So good guy your courage is also
another way of saving someone from potential heart break. Sometimes your
courage would earn you a wife, or a friend. Being timid is an unattractive
trait and it makes you look as if you are unsure of yourself. You have a lot to
offer but you are second guessing yourself, meanwhile the play boy has so much
confidence and all he has to offer is heart break. The play boy has so much
confidence, and that confidence makes him appear as if he knows what he wants
and can handle being with a woman. The funny thing is women keep falling for
the playboy repeatedly because he is confident. So good guys, if no one has
told you, take it from me you are the real deal and the right woman will
appreciate you. Do not be scared to put yourself out there even if your heart
has been broken in the past.
This issue
of courage is one that cannot be over emphasized, for those who have no idea
what courage is, it is the strategy marketers use to convince you to purchase a
product, they put their best foot forward. Imagine a marketer approaching you
and sounding like they mistakenly appeared in front of you and do not know what
to say. You would become irritated. Play boys invest a lot of time in their
game and how to walk up to a girl, and what to say to her. Their work usually
pays off in the short run, the good guys leave things to chance and end up
pissing girls off. Do not be too humble, look straight at her when you are
talking to her, think of conversation starters and try to carry the
conversation, crack some jokes if you can. The first step is to make her
curious about you. This would mean she has picked interest and would be happy
to talk some more and get to know you better. You can be reserved and
courageous, you do not have to change into someone you are not. My husband is
generally an introvert, and we were friends for a while, I knew he was a good
guy, but he was always confident and courageous. After being distant friends
for some years, our friendship changed in 2014, we became closer and it was
kind of obvious we were beginning to like each other, I kept waiting for him to
ask me out officially but he didn’t. You know good guys always try not to be
too forward, so one day I told him I was at the mall and someone tried to ask
me out and I really did not know how to reply. I knew we liked each other but
nothing was defined and I did not want to assume anything and get my heart
broken, so I asked him what should my response be if I find myself in such a
situation again? I cannot remember exactly what he said but it was now clear
that I was his girlfriend and he was, my boyfriend. The reason I was patient
enough to do this was because we were friends for a long time and when we
became closer, I realized he was my ideal man, in fact I nick named him “Mr.
too good to be true” because I had no Idea such a man could exist.
So, I would
tell the good guys to be confident and do not wait till the girl is tired.
Shoot your shot, stop allowing the play boys mess things up. And ladies, for
those of you who have been hurt, stop going back to the same type of guys who
hurt you. Sweet words are just that, a man’s actions should be more important
than whatever comes out of his mouth. So, if you meet a good guy and for some
unspoken reason he is being shy or overly patient, help him out. Do not ask him
out, but ask him about the situation and let him respond. All in all, courage is not the absence of
fear, but it is forging ahead despite being afraid of the uncertain outcome. Now
that you have the courage to talk to her, you need to make sure you come
correct.
- 2) HOW TO PACKAGE YOURSELF – Just like
I told the ladies in the previous episode, it is also important for the man to
look his best. Some good guys are clueless about what suits them and how to
look nice. The truth is some people are not just blessed with dress sense, but
the good thing is you should be willing to learn. If you even find a girl who
is patient enough to teach you, be humble enough to learn.
- 3) ARE YOU A LEADER? – Just because you
are a decent man does not make you a good leader. I have come across selfish
guys who believe that men are more important than women in a relationship. They
believe it all starts and ends with her in a kitchen and taking care of him and
his children. The leadership role is something so many men do not understand,
they believe it is a tool to lord over women. But to be a true leader is to
serve, and to serve in many different capacities. Since I am a Christian, I
will use some biblical examples. Jesus had so many disciples but he chose to be
the one to wash their feet, and when it came down to it, he died for our sins.
A lot of men do not realize the severity and seriousness of the role that has
been placed upon them. If you believe leading a woman and a family is a small
job, you are completely clueless.
- 4) ARE YOU READY TO LOVE? – A lot of
guys do not really understand the true meaning of love. They just work with
their feelings. But the truth is love is a deliberate decision to give and keep
on giving. The bible says for God so loved the world that he gave his only
begotten son. He gave the most important thing to him. But most times the love
we claim to have is a very selfish one. So, I will recommend 1 Corinthians 13
at this juncture. Before you tell a woman you love her, give yourself this litmus
test, replace the love in 1 Corinthians 13 with your name and ask yourself if
you can do all that for the woman. Can you suffer long for her? would you be
patient with her? will you be willing to
forgive and keep no record of wrong? When people talk about love, they approach
it mostly from the part that deals with attraction. But the truth is you can
become attracted to many people, you can have chemistry with many people. But
love is serious work and requires sacrifice and commitment. There would be
times where you are not happy with your spouse, times when you do not feel like
being in love but you still have to show love and give your best.
If you know that you are not ready to love, simply maintain a platonic
friendship, the world is a difficult place so try not to make it worse by
breaking someone’s heart. If you know you are not ready, do not rush into a
relationship as there is nothing wrong with being friends.
- 5) WHAT ARE YOU BRINGING TO THE TABLE? –
I ask this because some guys are serious liabilities. If you get involved with
them, your life would be difficult. I am not saying you need to get married to
a millionaire but the man should understand what his responsibilities are.
Before you go professing love, make sure you are ready to shoulder
responsibilities. Do you have a source of income? Can you provide for a family?
Are you willing to work or is your philosophy “God will provide” while you
relax? Some men are even comfortable doing nothing but spending what the woman
makes, some even target girls from rich homes so they do not have to work.
If you want
to get married, you need to be prepared for it. Whether we like it or not, finance
is very important in a relationship. Some men have more money than others. For
those who do not have so much, proper planning would help you a lot. If you
plan properly, you will achieve a lot. And then you can keep striving for more
money.
You also
need to bring maturity to the relationship. You need to be willing to let go of
childish and petty habits to have a successful relationship. You must be
willing to bring Trust and faithfulness to the table, you cannot expect what
you are not willing to give. If you want a faithful wife or girlfriend, also
bring those qualities. You must also be willing to bring respect commitment and
love to the table, do not treat her anyhow you like. You must be willing to
lead as I have stated earlier. If you do not have anything to offer, please
leave the girl alone. I have seen useless guys asking for what they cannot
offer. This life is give and take. Any quality you hope for in a partner, it is
only fair that you also bring those traits forward. I have seen unfaithful men
look for good women to marry, I have seen lazy men look for hard working women
to marry, I have seen dishonest people say they want an honest person. All
these things I am saying also applies to the women. You find lazy women looking
for rich men to cater to them and sponsor their extravagant life style, dishonest
ladies wanting honest men etc.
Fit and
proper men (women) who genuinely have a lot to bring to the table also need to
be careful because they will attract both good and bad women (men). You will have
to observe people patiently and make a wise decision. If you have all these
qualities, please do not waste time on ladies who do not understand the value
of these qualities. For some ladies, all that matters to them is money, money, money!
It is when they get married that their eyes will be open, that is when they
would be wishing for faithfulness, commitment, asking him to be more present
and involved etc. It would be really
foolish of you to be talking of marriage when you are not bringing anything to
the table. Even if she marries you by some miracle, in the marriage she will
start demanding for more. So, if you do not have anything to bring to the
table, keep working on yourself and developing yourself. Become the person you
would be attracted to if you were a lady.
- 6) ASK GOD FOR DIRECTION – At every
stage of your life you need God. How can you truly know what is in the heart of
others? A woman can pretend to be what you are looking for (vice versa). You
need to pray and tell God to reveal the heart of this person to you so that you
can make an informed decision. You may make mistakes, you may even get your
heart broken, but with God on your side, you will eventually end up with the
best partner.